My Sanity On The Funeral Pyre

[REVENGE]

My Sanity On The Funeral Pyre
Rating: 15+
(For those younger than 15, you've been warned.)

A little story I'm working on in addition to AATBBTS.
Title taken from the Atreyu song of the same name.

Index
Chapter 1 - Page 1
Chapter 2 - Page 1
Chapter 3 - Page 1
Chapter 4 - Page 1
Chapter 5 - Page 1
Chapter 6 - Page 2
Chapter 7 - Page 2

-----

Chapter 1

The candles burned beautifully in the church, almost as if mocking my sadness. I’d heard so many condolences and felt so many different hands giving me slight pats on my shoulder and back that my mind seemed to be sore with it all, as if it still couldn’t comprehend all that it had been given. I was paying no attention to the last rites being said in the monotone voice of the priest, and I’d already blocked out the sound of sighing and crying. The only thing I was concentrating on was the face of my father, idle and cold in the wooden casket in front of me. It seemed so odd to see his face that way. He’d always been laughing, enjoying life, stretching his face into a smile… hardly ever letting it fall still as it was now.

The fight for a ceremonial burial had been a rough one. It was as though the town of Fallsville hadn’t wanted me to be able to choose the fate of my own father. When I’d asked for him to be buried in the town cemetery, many friends and relatives had suggested cremation instead, arguing that it was what my father had wanted. Now, I hadn’t ever had an in depth discussion with my father to know what his preferences were for such things; but I knew that he hated fire almost as much as I did, and to suggest that he wanted to be cremated was ludicrous to say the least. I’d demanded a funeral and a burial, and had gotten it – the price? $1800 and countless mumbles from those opposing my request. In the end, I still thought it was worth it.

For some odd reason, I’d always despised cremations. In the back of my mind, I always visualized some sort of tribe from long ago; dancing around a pyre alit with flame as one of their people burned in sacrifice to the Gods. Who knows why I associate cremation with such things. I probably saw it on television as a young girl, or read it in a book, and inside my mind it remained. It didn’t help that I happened to dislike fire quite a lot; seeing as when I was seven years old the house that my father and I had been staying in caught fire in the middle of the night, due to faulty wiring. We had both gotten out fine and unscathed, but the fear of flames had stuck with me as easily as the hate for cremation.

I took my cue to stand and exit the church wordlessly as others around me did the same. Rain was beating down upon everything in its path outside, but I didn’t have an umbrella, nor did I care to have one. Feeling the rain run down my arms, soaking into my dress, wetting down my hair and pushing strands into my face – somehow, it all reminded me that for some odd reason I was still real, still alive when my father was not.

I didn’t want to see my father lowered into the ground – I felt that it would be disrespectful to watch, as if seeing a person naked at their most venerable of moments. Instead, I walked to my car, secluding myself inside the one familiar place that I had to escape to at shorthand. I sat silently for a while; staring blankly at the windshield and watching the rain beat against it.

I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

The thought echoed around a few times before I knew how much it stung. Absent mindedly, I stuck the keys in the ignition and headed for home.

---

The house felt empty without him. The cobwebs in the corners seemed more prominent, and the house smelled of must and death. It was as though all the life of the home I’d loved so dearly had been sucked away by the last breath of the one I loved. I sat on the couch silently, with only a single lamp lighting the room. Thinking. Watching. Waiting. But for what? For the voice that would never again call my name, for the chance that I would never again have?

He’d left me with enough money to get by, even after paying for the funeral, as long as I purchased food wisely. I held a job at the local bookstore, so I would be able to buy clothes and gasoline and such with that money – I would most certainly manage financially. Emotionally, however, I was not quite sure of. My face was numb to the tears that seemed to never cease, and my breathing was shallow. I noticed neither.

Why didn’t you say goodbye? Why were you so selfish?

Apparently, my conscience had decided to retaliate. I’d kept myself calm and composed ever since the realization of my father’s demise had registered in my mind, and I’d hoped that perhaps it would remain so for a bit longer. Whatever hope I’d had for that was now gone as my mind spoke to me in a disgusted tone.

Do you remember the last thing you told him? The last thing he heard from his daughter’s lips before you stormed out the door?

I sighed; a tear snuck down my face and in-between my lips. The taste of salt went unnoticed as I answered my conscience aloud.

“I don’t need you anymore.”

I tried to convince myself that there was no other thing that I could’ve said at that moment within the rage that had taken me, even if I hadn’t been ignorant to the heart attack that killed him shortly after my leave. But my thoughts were hollow and empty; meaningless and false. More tears fell around my face as I recalled what had happened.


“Dad, just stop, okay? You don’t know anything about Jason – he loves me, and you can’t accept it.”

My father stood very still in front of me, pleading me not to leave.

“Ali, please. Can’t you see that he’s using you? Can’t you see what he’s doing?”

Fury shook me as his words registered – he was so pathetic.

“Look, he just called me and told me that he needed me to come over as soon as possible – I’m not doing anything except arguing with you, an old fool who can’t get over the fact that his daughter isn’t five anymore. It sounded urgent – I want to be with him. It’s more important to me than reminiscing over memories that I don’t give a - about.”

I watched silently as the lines in my father’s face grew more prominent as he struggled to keep the tears at bay. Just this morning we’d talked about the days when it had been me and him, living life out together and loving it. He’d spoken of how my childhood had been the most meaningful thing of his entire life – my words had hit home. With great effort, he met my eyes with his own.

“I love you.”

I knew this game – he was using word play to try and get me to stay. I wasn’t going to fall for it.

“I don’t need you anymore.”

I stormed out of the house and got into my car, angry at the world. I drove away without even taking a second glance behind me at the man standing in the doorway of the small white house, tears in his eyes.


Now tears were in my eyes, and I realized that it hadn’t been a game of word play at all. It had been love, pure and irreplaceable – a love that he’d hoped that I would return, a love that he’d wanted to cling onto in my absence. But what had I given him?

Pain. Hate. Anger.

Wordlessly, I rose from the couch and went to the fireplace in front of it with a heavy heart. I took the small amount of wood left in the burn box and set it among the remaining ashes – a few minutes later, a small fire was cracking and burning happily within the confining brick space. Rummaging around with papers and books on the lower shelf of the coffee table, I found a pen and a blank sheet of notebook paper. Upon it, I wrote with shaky hands, letting my heart spill out into the ink.

Dad,

I’m sorry. I need you so badly right now, and I was wrong to leave you. You were… you were right about Jason. The urgent news that he had wanted to tell me was nothing more than the fact that he was done with me. I’d cried in the park for a while, knowing how wrong of me it was to leave you like I did. I waited until I’d built up the courage to talk to you, and I was going to hug you and cry on your shoulder and tell you that I loved you. But… the house was empty when I’d returned. A neighbor had saw you fall on the front lawn, looking after me as I left – they called an ambulance, but… the heart attack had already taken you. I just… I just want you to know that I’ll never forget you. You’re my life – you always will be. My heart is still with you – it has to be. I can’t feel it beating any longer. I know you’ll take care of it.

I love you too. Eternally.

Ali

Still shaking, I walked to the fireplace and threw the note inside, watching as it caught flame and melted away. I could only hope that somehow it would reach him as he smiled and took God’s hand as he led him into eternal joy.

Goodbye.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 2

The sky was still cloudy the following day, though the rain had subsided. I couldn’t remember falling asleep, but I’d woken up on the couch with a sticky face – no doubt from crying even as I slept. As I’d gone through the house that morning getting ready for work, the realization of the memories the house held hit me full force, without any prior warning. The photos on the walls, the stains on the carpet – even the wallpaper in the bathroom that my father and I had argued over. It was odd how a person never noticed all these memories until all they wanted to do was escape them.

The air was chilly as I stepped outside to my silver Volkswagen Beetle, but I didn’t turn back to get a jacket – just like the rain, the cold made me aware of the breaths I took. It hit me as I turned the key in the ignition that from now, it was going to be a continuous battle to remain calm, to keep myself from screaming. The thought of having an emotional breakdown every half hour didn’t appeal to me, especially where everyone I worked with or sold to would be able to have a clear view. To try and keep my mind from being able to function whatsoever before I got to work, I fumbled around until I found my favorite Atreyu CD and stuck it in the CD player. Alex Varkatzas’ aggressive screaming voice would no doubt help me keep my mind off of anything and everything.

---

Seems that doomsday’s come early this year. The last angel has gone… I can’t remember the last time I cried. The last angel has gone.

The lyrics of Doomsday kept swimming around in my mind as I made my way around the aisles, making sure every book was in its place. Perhaps that was why I didn’t notice him standing there until he spoke to me.

“Ali?”

I turned my head to see a man in an Anthrax t-shirt and torn jeans, his dark hair falling into his hazel eyes. He looked to be around the age of twenty-seven, only a bit older than my own twenty-five.

“Do I know you?”

He shook his head, smiling slightly.

“You have a name tag y’know.”

I looked down at my shirt to see my name printed in large bold letters, unable to miss.

“Oh. Err, right. Sorry. Can I help you?”

He chuckled slightly. “Well, I just thought you should know that your werewolf books are terribly out of date – hardly accurate.”

“Oh, and I suppose you’re terribly educated on the subject Mr.…?”

“The name’s Brian. Brian Warner.”

“Right. Well, Brian, it so happens that I tend to enjoy those werewolf books that you’re insulting.”

He leaned causally against the bookshelf, still smirking.

“Well, then you’re extremely misled. None of them are even close.”

“Close to what?”

“The truth.”

I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow as I spoke.

“And you happen to know the truth of werewolves because…?”

“Well, y’know, I’ve got some pretty freaky cousins and such – I like to think that they’re werewolves. Only explanation for them, really.” His smile grew even wider, as if he was enjoying some sort of inside joke that only he knew about. “But, if you’d like to continue reading this false nonsense, go ahead, I suppose…”

He turned and started to walk away, putting his hands in his front jeans pockets.

“Wait.”

I walked over to him slowly as he came to a stop, and turned around.

“Um… wouldn’t you like to read a book? Or… buy one, for that matter? This is a book store, you know.”

“Is it really? I had no idea.”

I sighed. “Are you always so difficult to talk to?”

“No. Sometimes I’m worse.” He chuckled. “But on a serious note, no. I don’t like to read.”

“But… you just said that…”

“I said that those books were inaccurate – I never said anything about reading them.” He said matter-of-factly.

“How do you know they’re inaccurate if you haven’t even read them?”

He shrugged. “The covers give it away.”

Before I could protest, he strode past me and back to where he’d began, pulling two books from the shelf. “Like this one…” He said. “There’s a human girl with a wolf, or in this case, a werewolf. Werewolves and humans never mate.”

“But…”

“And this one.” He gestured to the one he was holding in his other hand. “It reveals a werewolf running from a gun, which you can see poking out of the forestry right there. Guns, even with silver bullets, can’t harm a werewolf. They don’t change with the full moon either, yet there’s one hanging in the sky right at the top of the page, there. Merely two of the most famous Hollywood adaptations.”

I sighed once again, becoming ever more exasperated with this strange man.

“Look. I don’t care if you think they’re accurate or not – in fact, that’s why they’re in the FICTION section. Who cares if they’re right about werewolves? They don’t exist anyway, so it doesn’t matter.”

Brian put both books back upon the shelf where he got them, eying the Fiction sign at the top of the shelf curiously.

“Well, they could easily be moved to the Non-Fiction section, you know.”

Why didn’t I just let him go when he wanted to?

I pointed towards the door sharply. “Since it’s obvious that our sorting system of books isn’t up to your standards, perhaps you should just leave.”

He shrugged. Walking off, he said in a proud voice, “Yet another bookstore to be thrown out of when only trying to help – figures.”

The sarcasm dripping from his voice made it quite blatant that he knew he wasn’t helping in the least, and as I watched him walk down the sidewalk through the panes of glass that lined the front wall of the store, I saw him smiling.


The rest of the day was boring in comparison to my conversation with Brian, and only a few customers bought anything or needed help with finding a book. Finally, at around eleven PM, it was time to head for home. Why the manager of the store insisted it remain open that late was beyond me – I couldn’t think of anyone in the small town of Fallsville that would want to purchase a book an hour away from midnight. But as I locked up and began walking to my car in the darkness of the night, I wished more than ever that could’ve gone home earlier, in the daylight. I rounded the corner of the store where I’d parked my car and heard voices – when I saw the owners of the voices, and what they were doing, I had to suppress a scream and throw my hands over my mouth.

No. Not here – not this.

[Chihuahua]

Wow, that's a really good story! Please add more! I'm up to chapter 2

[Xx_CUrSeD bLoNdE_xX]

Wow, I really enjoyed the first chapter. I feel silly saying this, but it almost made me cry. =]

[REVENGE]

Thanks, girls. :]

Chapter 3

The man’s face was bloodied and torn as he screamed for help, receiving nothing in return but the laughter from the smirking faces that were circled around him, beating him within an inch of his life. His clothes were ragged and his nose hung at an odd angle, and I knew that those laughing and pointing around him could care less if his life was endanger – in fact, it seemed that that was what they were all getting such enjoyment out of. They wanted him to bleed to death – they wanted him to scream. All those around him were laughing and taunting, punching or kicking him if he came their way – only one man stood outside the circle, watching it with hollow eyes, yet not lifting a finger to stop it. Brian.

A man with short black hair and ripped clothing seemed to be enjoying it the most, throwing his head back and laughing hysterically as the dying man became ever more desperate to escape. The man came staggering his way, pulling down on his clothing and screaming. The laughing man merely smiled wider and punched him in the jaw, which also began to seep blood as he fell backwards. Tears melted in with the life, painting a morbid picture upon the man’s face.

“Yeah, c’mon baby, SCREAM FOR ME!” The black haired man laughed again, getting sick pleasure from it all.

I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“STOP! PLEASE!”

I ran in the midst of a circle, not aware of the danger I was putting myself in.

“Please! He’s DYING!”

I expected the man with the black hair to laugh – yet he didn’t. Instead, his smile faded as he slowly turned his head in my direction, his eyes burning with a rage that no words could possibly describe. With one fierce movement, he grabbed the bleeding man by the head and swiftly broke his neck, letting him fall to the ground before I realized what had happened.

Turning to two of the more burley guys of the group, the man spoke in a throaty growl that I knew was the result of my foolish actions.

“Get rid of him.”

The guys complied, picking the dead man up without question and walking into the shadows – I didn’t have time to wonder what would happen to the corpse before the black haired man was upon me, pinning me to the ground and thrusting his raging eyes an inch away from mine as he spoke.

“Do you really think you have any right to disrupt like that?”

I swallowed roughly, trying to rid myself of the painful lump that had formed in my throat.

“DO YOU?”

I knew that it would be in my best interest to answer him; but I couldn’t form words. I opened my mouth, searching for something to say, searching for the right word – but I closed it again in vain, unable to even nod or shake my head.

“Fine. You’ll go too then.”

He clenched his teeth together, showing them as his lips retreated; his eyes burned, and as his fist was raised in the air preparing to come down on my skull, I could only stare with amazement. The fist got an inch away from my face and stopped short as another voice echoed throughout the night.

“She’s with me, Gerard.”

Gerard turned to see Brian standing a few feet away, watching with mild interest.

“She’s… what?”

“She’s with me.”

Gerard’s eyebrows furrowed, unable to accept this – it seemed as though something was stopping it from registering in his mind that Brian had actually said such a thing. Reluctantly, yet still giving me the most withering look I’d ever witnessed, he stood up and lifted his other hand from my shoulder, allowing me to rise from the ground.

For a moment, I just laid there, looking from Gerard, to Brian, and then back to Gerard. As I sat up and let my heart rate slow down, Gerard threw Brian up against the wall of the bookstore without warning, emitting a low growl.

“She has to die.”

Brian looked calm – almost as if being roughly thrown against the wall and held there to fear for someone’s life was something he did quite regularly.

“Not if she comes with us.”

Gerard sneered. “Why on EARTH would I allow THAT to happen?”

Brian smiled mockingly. “Why not?”

“Because… it’s just…” Gerard tripped over his words, his frustration growing steadily. “It’s just unethical.”

“Grace was unethical.”

Gerard lifted Brian up in the air by the nape the neck and punched him in the face, letting him fall and roll on the concrete, opening visible shallow wounds upon his arms.

The pain in his voice was tangible as he spoke. “If you forget your place again, I’ll kill you without question. The tearing of flesh doesn’t bother me.”

Brian’s face was already starting to swell where he’d been hit, yet as he stood up he was smiling defiantly.

“So she stays with me, then.”

It wasn’t phrased as a question – it was a statement of fact, and though Gerard looked as though he would’ve loved to paint Brian in bruises, he said nothing. Only stared at him with that look of his – that burning look. He looked as though he wanted to say something but was unsure of how to phrase it. Perhaps he was only afraid of what Brian would bring up if he said the wrong words aloud. After a few moments of blatant internal battling, he spoke in a low voice, obviously unaware that I could still hear him all the same.

“She comes with us – but I hold you personally responsible for her life.”

Gerard looked back and eyed me curiously, with a different expression entirely. It wasn’t vengeful, it wasn’t ridden with rage, it wasn’t withering – it was almost as though he wasn’t seeing me at all anymore, but someone else in my place. He turned back to Brian, lowering his voice even more.

“Don’t kill her. Protect her when it’s necessary –“ He paused, reaching for words that weren’t there. “Don’t forget your place – not only with me, but with her as well.”

As Gerard backed away from Brian, the two burley men that had disposed of the corpse returned from the shadows empty-handed, dirt on their hands. I sat upon the pavement, looking around for the first time at the other faces that stood in the parking lot. All in all, there were seven of them – Gerard, Brian, the two burley men, and three others, which I hadn’t taken a second glance to.

The seven of them gathered around closely, with Gerard in the center of the group. Silently, he raised his arms on either side and turned his face to the starry sky, letting his eyelids drop and close. His breathing became labored as he seemed to be drinking in the night, becoming intoxicated with something that no one I’d ever known could’ve possibly understood. Then, his arms dropped just as quickly as they’d risen, and his gaze lowered back to eye-level. As his eyes opened, all six men surrounding him looked into his face in a form of respect that I didn’t understand, but saw clearly all the same. The sound of Gerard’s voice broke the eerie silence.

“Move out.”

[RoCkWiRe]

OMGi loved it I couldnt stop reading I want more!!!

[REVENGE]

Thank you.

I'm enjoying writing this story greatly - though I may not post more for a while, regardless of the fact that I'm doing my best to write daily. I'm going to be writing merely for the sake of writing for a while, rather than for the sake of posting and sharing. Writing is a passionate thing for me - after a while, I suppose I become greedy with it, unwilling to share until the final joy of unfolding the story is cherished.

I'm determined - I shall finish this story. I just may not post anything until that point. :]

[REVENGE]

Now that I've got a fair bit of it typed up, I'll post another chapter. :]

Chapter 4

The chill in the air ran up my spine as I strode forward, causally glancing at my new surroundings. The forest was beautiful, yet horrid at the same time. The way that the trees grew unevenly around each other, the way that the soft sun’s morning glow filtered down to the ground through the leaves – and the way that soft drops of water from the day before slid down the leaves and fell upon us, making our faces glisten. No one else seemed to notice the water with the exception of myself, who hated such things. I loved watching rain, but hated the feeling of it running down my skin, cold and uncomfortable.

Gerard had led us here in the night, so I had no idea of what direction home was anymore. During the night, I’d been led along by the pull of Brian’s hand in front of me, unable to see in the darkness. The question of how the others had walked confidently in the night had posed itself in my mind – I merely shooed it away. I didn’t feel like thinking of such trivial things right now – I had other things on my mind that were more important. More… frightening.

Neither of them thought I’d noticed – I was sure of that much. But I had, and that was the problem. Gerard was in the lead, yet somehow his eyes found their way back to me regardless, eying me curiously. I pretended not to notice, just as I tried to ignore the way that Brian would sometimes turn for a split moment and cast me a nervous glance. The rest of the group said nothing, only trudging on in orderly silence. Finally, I spoke up.

“Where are we going?”

I could hear the bite in Gerard’s voice even from the front of the line. “Little girls who ask questions often end up dead.”

Honestly, I didn’t find this fair at all – I’d just asked a question. And after all, I’d been quiet all night, except the few times when I’d fallen down and scraped my arms up a bit.

Sighing, I said, “Well… do you… think we could have a rest?”

Brian looked back at me, eying me for a moment, and then turned back towards Gerard again.

“She does look tired – we’ve been making her walk for hours now. It’s a wonder that she hasn’t collapsed yet.”

Gerard sneered. “Does it look like I care? We’re getting to the settlement today, I don’t care if one of you have to drag her there.”

“Gerard” Brian said in an annoyed tone. “She’s not like us – she needs to rest.” He paused for a moment. “Unless of course you want her to die.”

Gerard stopped, as did the rest of the line as he turned slowly – it was evident even to me that Brian had crossed some sort of invisible line, but by the look on Gerard’s face, he’d crossed the line in a way that he couldn’t be punished for. In a way that couldn’t be proven – otherwise, I had a feeling that Gerard would have jumped upon him to kill him instead of simply stopping, as he had warned back in the parking lot.

“Fine. We rest here – but only for a moment.” His voice was mellow enough, but he gave me a withering look as he walked over to stand beside me. “Well?”

It took me a moment to realize what he wanted, that I was supposed to sit down and rest upon his command – and a moment was all it took to set him off. He struck me across the face so quickly that I was confused as I hit the ground, my right cheek throbbing heavily – and I didn’t just sit down. I lay sprawled across the leaves, not bothering to get up because of the relief that was mixed in with the pain – I could feel the moisture on the ground soaking into my shirt, but I didn’t care.

“What the hell was what for?” Brian said, his eyes wide and infuriated. “She didn’t do anything!”

Gerard smirked. “Yeah – that was the problem. She needs to learn to mind me unless she wants to be put out of our way.”

“You wouldn’t kill her even if you got the chance. You know that as well as I do.” Brian looked challengingly into his eyes. “Would you?”

If you would’ve told me that Gerard’s gaze could get any more full of hate than it already was, I wouldn’t have believed you – yet as Brian stared at him, I was proven wrong. Flames rose in his eyes – a loathing so pure and frightening that I knew no one else would ever be able to mimic it.

“Let’s have a little chat in private, shall we?” He said, his eyebrows furrowed.

Brian smiled sarcastically. “Sure.”

Silently, they stepped away from the rest of us, parting the thick leaves and underbrush as they headed into the forest, out of earshot. I looked around the group of men left standing around me, and realized that I was among complete strangers now – at least I’d spoken with Brian at least once before, and he seemed to be on my side. Either that, or he just enjoyed arguing with Gerard – I thought it was probably a bit of both.

I stood up, brushing the wet leaves from my jeans. Not knowing what else to do, and feeling extremely lost, I started to wander into the forest where Brian and Gerard had disappeared. A hand closed around my arm.

“You can’t go after them – they’re talking privately.”

One of the men looked at me blankly as I turned to face him, almost as if he would begin drooling upon himself at any given moment. I flashed him a slight smile.

“I’m not trying to listen in on them – I have to go to the bathroom. I am human, after all.”

The men all looked at each other with alarmed expressions, as if I’d said some sort of sinful curse. It seemed like a fairly sensible thing to say to me – it was a common phrase in Fallsville, as I assumed it was everywhere else. After a moment of looking at the others, the man turned and released my arm, nodding slightly.

“Just hurry up – and if you hear them speaking, go in a different direction. Eavesdropping can mean death for those listening if Gerard’s in a bad mood, which he seems to be.”

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes a bit – death just for listening in on someone seemed a bit extreme to me. I wandered into the forest just the same, listening for voices and trying to go in a slight turn away from the direction that I’d saw them going. Unfortunately, I’m absolutely terrible with both hearing and directions.

Before I knew what was going on, I was almost on top of them – I could hear their voices quite clearly, but the greenery around me was blocking the view of them; I could only hope that it was blocking me from view as well. Brian’s voice sounded more outraged and upset than it had back in the line as it drifted in my direction.

“Why are you doing this? She’s nothing like her, and you know it.”

Gerard sounded even more furious than Brian as he spoke. “That shows what you know – your ignorance has always been your weakness. You’re blind, Brian – you should accept it and move on. Leave my business to me.”

“She isn’t any of your business.”

“She is now.”

With every retaliation, Brian grew more exasperated. “The girl isn’t Grace, Gerard. She never will be, no one ever will be – can you not just accept that and move on? Her name is Ali, and she’s just a normal human girl like all the others; ignorant and foolish.”

I could tell by the tone in Gerard’s voice that he was overly confident, obviously sure of his argument. “I’m not trying to replace anyone, especially not Grace. You don’t deserve to speak her name – do it again and I’ll rip the Adam’s apple from your throat. I am, however, sure that she – Ali – can compensate for something. She can make everything right again, don’t you see? She can fix everything.”

“She can fix nothing.” Venom seeped from Brian’s voice. “You’re misled and foolish, Gerard – you’re lost and you won’t admit it, not even to yourself.”

Gerard chuckled slightly. “You’ll soon see how wrong you are, you waste.”

I heard the leaves begin to rustle, and I ducked down into the wilderness as low as I possibly could, trying to hold my breath. Luckily, Gerard went to the right a ways and then forward, leaving me undiscovered. I rose back up and took note of my shaking arms, weak with fear. Fear of death, fear of pain; fear of what I had to do with this Grace person, and what Gerard wanted from me. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I forgot that Brian was still in front of me.

A harsh whisper made me jump back into reality.

“What are you doing here? You have to get back – they’ll be wondering where you are!”

Without a word, Brian took hold of my quivering arms and pushed me forward, motioning for me to go left and then forward as if coming from a different direction. I did as I was asked, not bothering to use the bathroom at all – in fact, it had slipped my mind completely as I arrived back to the group of strange men. Gerard turned to me questioningly.

“Where have you been?”

I opened my mouth, but no words would escape – but he looked as though he would hit me again, and so I managed to spit out an answer quickly and quietly.

“I was using the bathroom.”

I looked down at my feet, knowing that if I looked Gerard in the eyes that my expression would give my lie away. He stood in front of me for a moment, and then I watched as his feet thankfully moved away.

“Well, you’ve had your rest – we’re going to move again. If you didn’t take advantage of the time, it’s your own fault.”

I looked up to see him walking away farther into the forest, the other men following in awkward procession. Walking quickly to catch up, I fell into line behind the last guy in line, hoping that no one would notice that I’d escaped my place in the center. No one did.

After a few minutes of walking, I remembered Brian and turned to see if I could see him anywhere; he was trailing along silently behind me, looking straight ahead with a bored expression. For a moment our eyes met, and what I’d taken for boredom I then recognized as deep worry – as I turned to face forward again, my expression mirrored his.

Fear was beginning to eat at me from the inside out – it was only a matter of time before it devoured me completely.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 5

Soon, I was being carried in Brian’s arms – my legs hadn’t been up to six more hours of walking, and it hadn’t been long after the ‘break’ when I’d finally collapsed. No one had stopped or even gave sign of noticing, though I was fairly sure that Gerard had known – but he’d trudged on anyway, uncaringly. Brian had stopped and had hesitantly picked me up in his arms, though I was asleep before he’d even stood the rest of the way up again.

I dozed in and out of consciousness, and it was then that I realized why my life had seemed so empty, and why my father’s death had been so devastating. The three little words that had been said too often, yet not enough in my life were now gone forever. I love you would never again meet my ears, because the last time I’d heard those words was as a child with my father – he’d said them repeatedly back in those days, to the point of annoyance. Now I wished he’d said them more often.

That was what I dreamed of as the others were trapped in the reality of the dense forest – I dreamt of my father, the wrinkles of his face gone and his eyes bright with life like they used to be when I was younger. He was smiling at me – yet worry was evident in his expression. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but as I tried to open my mouth to speak, it felt as though my lungs were constricted – no words would form, as though they were all stuck inside my throat. His smile faded, and for the first time I noticed our surroundings. He was sitting in his armchair, the one he always sat in when he needed to think. A fire was burning in the fireplace, and as I looked to the nearest window, I saw that it was raining lightly. He turned away, and looked to the mantel above the fire with that lively gaze turning dark with a pained look.

I didn’t understand – I couldn’t understand. He should’ve been happy that we were getting to see each other, joyous that the door between life and death had been opened just for us, and us alone. But then I saw what he was looking at as his index finger extended and pointed to it, and as I saw what it was, I only became more confused.

Sitting on the mantel between two vases was a transparent glass heart, with intricate lettering on the inside. I stepped closer, unable to see what it said. The name was carved into the heart with curvy lettering and blatant passion.

Grace.

The glass began to shake slightly, and suddenly a crack shot through it – I jumped back as several more followed, and finally it burst apart completely. I looked over to my father to find him crying, holding his chest in one hand and then falling to the floor. I began screaming; I ran over to the shattered heart and scooped up some of the pieces in my hands, desperately trying to put it back together. The glass edges started cutting my hands, slicing them deeply; I dropped them with a pained shriek and looked back, not to find my father at all, but Gerard.

He was sitting in my father’s chair, staring blankly forward and shaking his head slowly. He held the bottom half of his face in his hands, his eyes exposed. Cuts ran across his fingers, yet none of them bled – but as he began to cry, I saw that the tears were crimson. They ran along his fingers and hands, and then dripped to the floor where they stained. And soon the blood on the floor revealed a word that I wasn’t entirely sure that I was meant to see.

Promise.

I looked up to Gerard to find him staring desperately into my eyes, his hands held out to me and his bottom lip quivering with shaken sadness and obvious pain – and what was I to do? I took his hands in my own and looked back into his eyes, expecting his pain and sadness to stop. But instead, the walls of the house fell away, and soon the floor had gone away as well – we were falling among broken memories and shattered hearts, and our momentum was unstoppable. We would die this way.


I awoke with a start, looking up at Brian’s face and not entirely sure of where I was. He must’ve noticed my small jolt, and looked down curiously at me – then he looked ahead again, his expression unreadable. I found myself wanting to hold Gerard’s hands and look into his eyes, just to see if that sadness was really there – to see if the pain existed or if I’d dreamt it all. That’s when I noticed that our surroundings had changed – a great deal of the forest had melted away, leaving empty space. In the place of the trees were a great deal of rocks, and as we went further, the rocks began having markings upon them; paint of different shades and hues with odd patterns and designs.

As I looked sleepily around, I heard Brian’s voice asking me if I could walk since I’d slept, and I nodded my head. He gently put me down, and after walking a bit longer into the maze of rocks and occasional trees, the procession stopped.

“We’re finally here.”
Gerard sounded extremely pleased, which was wonderful; if he was happy, everyone was happy. No fighting, no weird mysterious conversations, just happiness. And so even though I had no clue where we were or why there was any significance to it, I smiled all the same. The line broke and the guys scattered around, laughing and muttering amongst themselves.

“Mike! Brandon!”

Two guys from the group of men that I wasn’t acquainted with came to Gerard, both flaunting happy expressions. Much to my surprise, Gerard returned the smile.

“How about you guys go and get us some refreshments to celebrate our arrival? Shouldn’t take you long if you hurry, which I ask you to.”

They both nodded and ran back into the forest, laughing and shouting.

I stood where I’d been when the line had stopped, unsure of where to go or what to do. The place was beautiful, though. Several yards ahead of me, there was a large overhang that provided plenty of shelter. In front of the overhang in the clearing, rocks of all sizes, some I suppose considered boulders, were placed at random and were painted all different colors. Just on the edge of the clearing, the trees grew densely and beheld bright green leaves; the forest was so beautiful that in the end, you forgot about the dead layer of leaves and decay on the forest floor, too taken aback from the splendor above. In the distance, I thought I could hear flowing water.

“Ali… um… can I have a word?”

Brian stood to the side of me, his hands in his pockets and his eyes looking around the clearing nervously.

“Yeah, sure. What is it?”

“Well… I just… look, I don’t know how to say this but-“

“You can speak to her after I do.”

Gerard’s voice was blunt and to the point, and as I looked over at where he stood on the other side of me, his stance wasn’t in the least as inviting as it had been only moments ago. Brian sighed and clenched his teeth together.

“Gerard, I really need to-“

“Leave.”

The tone of voice was obvious enough – Gerard was going to speak to me first, and alone at that – no one was going to say otherwise. Brian turned away hesitantly, and as he walked away I saw him raise his hand to his face – almost as though he was wiping away tears. I started to go after him, but a hand grabbed my arm and held me in place. I turned to see its owner with a much more inviting expression than before. He gently released my arm, and then smiled softly.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

I nodded, unsure of what he wanted from me – I just knew that his presence unnerved me, and that I was afraid of being struck across the face again. It was as if he was reading my mind.

“I’m sorry for hitting you earlier – but I hate people getting out of place, or disrupting the order of things. I’m… I’m like that sometimes. You’ll have to excuse me. I mean no harm by it. You um… you look beautiful, Ali.”

I could feel the sweat that had soaked into my clothing, and the mess of hair atop my head – calling me beautiful at such a time seemed odd to me, but I let it slide, not sure of what to say.

“Well… err… thanks, I guess. What is it you want, exactly?”

He looked away nervously, biting in the inside of his cheek with his teeth before finally speaking again.

“I… actually, I just wanted to get to know you better. It seems you’ll be staying with us for a while, and so it would be rude to ignore you completely.”

If only you would, I thought to myself. I looked into Gerard’s eyes to reply, but then I remembered my dream and hesitated, turning my gaze elsewhere.

“Promise.” I muttered to myself, unthinkingly.

“What?”

“Err… nothing.”

Gerard looked at me skeptically, but didn’t press for any answers. He gestured smilingly at our surroundings.

“So… what do you think?”

“It’s… it’s okay. Very… wild place to live, though.”

I was stumbling over my words, unsure of how to explain my discontent with the forest without insulting anyone.

He smirked, his eyes glistening – and as I looked into them, I saw neither pain nor sadness there. Only a sort of hidden joy; at what, I couldn’t be sure. He looked shyly around, being quite unlike the Gerard that I’d been around before – and oddly enough, I felt strangely comfortable around him when he was so relaxed and human-like, without the anger or superiority about him.

“Would you like to take a walk with me?”

He held out his hand, smiling slightly. I held out my hand to take his, but I hesitated as my dream replayed in my mind. My entire world had fallen apart when I’d grasped his hands within my own, and who was to say that the world wouldn’t fall apart if I took his hand now, while I was awake? It was a rather stupid idea on my part, I’ll admit – yet it still frightened me. Gerard looked at me curiously, and more out of respect than anything else, I reflexively took his hand. His skin was warm and somehow oddly inviting as it made contact with my own, and as he led me around the clearing a few times, darting into the trees every once in a while, his hand was all I could think about.

The notion that my entire world would shatter like glass because of my contact with Gerard grew more and more plausible as we walked – and I grew ever more frightened in return. Only the feel of his skin and one small word was any comfort to me at all, and with comfort, the word also brought unease.

Promise.

[Frozen Angel]

Fantastic. By the way, based on what I notice from all your stories, you seem to like to name a lot of your characters after MCR members.
Are you a fan of My Chem?

[REVENGE]

Yes, I used to be - not so much anymore, though.

Most of my stories have one or two characters named after My Chem members because I write fan-fiction for an MCR based forum, which leaves me little choice in character naming.

[REVENGE]

The following chapter has slight sexual references and alcohol abuse - if either of these things bother you, do not continue reading after this point.


Chapter 6

We spoke of all sorts of things – hopes, favorite flavors of bubble gum, favored foods – but not once did he mention Grace, and not once did I mention the loss of my father. The other men that I didn’t know the names of sometimes looked at us as they went about their own business, but didn’t say a word – for the duration of time I was with Gerard, I didn’t see Brian anywhere. The entire time we were speaking and walking, I was holding onto his hand and finding comfort within a stranger that I’d thought to be cold and heartless. Never once did I question it; never once did I think of the conversation he’d had with Brian, or look for any connection there. At around dusk, we were sitting beside each other near the overhang, looking at the sun’s dying rays and enjoying each other’s company. Without warning, Gerard’s tone changed; suddenly he was very serious.

“I think there’s something that you should know, since you’re going to be spending time with us for… quite a while.”

I looked quizzically up at him. “What is it?”

“Well… we’re… we’re different, Ali.” He began looking nervously around as he spoke, unable to look me in the eye.

Not knowing what to do, I just smiled. “Well, obviously… I don’t know of anyone else that lives in a forest like this.”

He shook his head. “No… we’re much more different than that.”

Finally, he looked me in the eye for a moment; and that was when all the joy and false security melted away. In that split second that his gaze connected with my own, I found myself remembering the bleeding man pleading for help, the dead man that might’ve had a wife and kids. I remembered the way he’d hit me, and the way that Gerard had hurt Brian. The reality of whose hand I was holding hit me without warning, and I found myself wanting to let go – but he wouldn’t let me. He was gripping my hand tightly as he went on talking, although I was only half listening.

“Ali… we aren’t human.”

My mind reeled – the thought was laughable, like one of those terrible comedy movies when someone admits to being an alien – only somehow, I knew that he wasn’t human. I knew that none of them were – it was like I’d always known, but it was still weird hearing such words put together like that, so it was no wonder why I decided to play dumb.

“What are you talking about?”

“Well-“

“We’re back with the party!”

Mike and Brandon walked into the clearing, smiling gleefully and carrying a twelve pack of Bush beer in each hand. Gerard’s expression changed immediately back to an excited, happy version of himself, and he let go of my hand and walked over to them with a smile upon his face.

“Great, guys – faster than I expected, to be honest.” He swiftly took a look around. “Anyone know where Brian is?”

One of the guys that were still a stranger to me answered.

“I think I saw him go into the forest to get some food – he should be back soon.”

Gerard’s smile widened. “Great – Andrew, go gather enough firewood to last the night. Take Stephen with you if you need him.”

Andrew nodded and headed into the forest, the man named Stephen trailing after him.

I didn’t press for answers from Gerard, and not only because I didn’t want to spoil his mood – it was mostly because a large part of me didn’t want to know what he’d meant, and because deep down I didn’t want to hear anything about it. I wanted to pretend that everything was fine, and that I wasn’t stranded in a strange place among strange people at all, but merely having fun with friends. Needless to say, I couldn’t force myself to believe a word.

I sat in silence where Gerard had left me as he went about doing random things, giving orders, and getting everything ready for a party that I didn’t really want to attend. I hated the taste of beer, and I was already weak – making myself even more dehydrated before even drinking anything from all the walking would be no doubt fatal.

Turning away from all the preparations, I strode into the forest in the direction that I’d heard water earlier. Shadows caressed the forest gently, and I knew that if I didn’t hurry I would soon become lost. Picking up the pace a bit, it was soon that I reached a small stream that looked safe enough to drink from. I hadn’t realized how thirsty I was until I began drinking the water, and after the first few mouthfuls, it hit me that I was absolutely weak from thirst. I drank quickly and heavily, unable to force myself to slow down – once I was finally satisfied, I thought for sure I would be sick. But nausea was the least of my problems.

As I looked around, I knew that I was lost. It was probably pride that wouldn’t allow me to admit it at first, but as I tried to find my way back it became an ever-growing certainty. Even in the dark, I thought it would be easy enough – just go back the way I came, and before I knew it I would be at camp. Right?

No. Soon I was tripping and stumbling around among strange trees and ever thickening wilderness; I didn’t notice as the first tears began running down my face. I didn’t understand how it could’ve happened; I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t just ended up back at the clearing like I should have. Before I knew it, I was right out bawling and desperately clawing away at things in the darkness that I knew were no more than bushes and trees, but seemed to be much more frightening things.

“HELP!”

My voice was cracked and ragged – it felt like all the water I’d drunk had already been cried out, and I was already thirsty again. The shadows danced and the world began to spin as I became more and more desperate for escape, and finally I collapsed on the ground in a sobbing mess.

“Hey.”

I looked up to see the faint outline of a figure standing in front of me, and the smell of death wafted over me. I couldn’t see Brian, but I could hear his voice well enough to know that he was slightly relieved – he’d been looking for me.

“Come on – camp’s back this way. We have food.”

I wiped my tears away and stood up, following the sound of his voice as he asked me what I’d been doing in the forest alone, and why I hadn’t told anyone I was leaving.

“Well it was a bit of an… awkward situation.”

Brian sighed. “I would imagine so – I told him not to tell you.”

“Well it isn’t as though he could’ve kept me in the dark forever. Besides, none of this is real to me anyway. In my mind I’ll just wake up soon and the nightmare will go away.”

“Nightmare?”

“Yeah… the whole non-human thing.”

“Oh. I… I guess we were both talking about different things, then.”

“What were you talking about?”

“Nothing…”

I wanted to protest, to ask what secret he was referring to – to ask him to tell me what it was. But then we stumbled out into the open in the glow of a large fire and roasting meat; by the looks of them, the others were already drunk. All except Gerard, who sat next to the fire tending to the cooking of the food, his expression amused as he watched the others laugh idiotically.

As we drew nearer to the firelight, I got a better look at Brian and gasped. His hands were coated in congealed blood, as was the area around his mouth. He must’ve heard my gasp, because he turned to look at me – fire danced in his eyes, and in that moment, he was the most frightening thing I’d ever witnessed.

“Don’t worry – I just went hunting.”

He gestured to what was roasting above the fire and shrugged.

“We didn’t have any food so… yeah.”

I eyed it curiously, slightly disgusted – even though I was famished, I thought that I really would vomit now.

“What… um… is it?”

Brian sighed. “Deer.”

“Oh.”

I turned away from the fire and sat on the nearest rock, shaking slightly. Brian came over to me looking worried.

“Are you okay? Um… I can… probably go find some berries, or … something like that if it would bother you to eat the meat. I didn’t have time to ask you what you wanted earlier. The only thing is that berries wouldn’t be very filling at all and you’re…” He stopped, trying to choose his words carefully. “Well, you must be exhausted.”

I nodded, shivering a bit, even though it wasn’t that cold.

“No… I’ll… I’ll eat it. It’s fine. I’m just not used to… killing things like that. I’ll get used to it, I guess.”

Brian nodded and walked back to the fire, sitting down next to Gerard. As I stood up and walked to the fire as well, I saw that Brian was hastily whispering something to him, but he merely shook his head. I took no notice to it, honestly not caring anymore – I was too tired and hungry and lost to care anymore.

____________

The meal wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be – once I’d actually gotten over the fact that Brian had killed it only a couple hours earlier, I was easily too overcome with hunger to argue with was I was given. Knowing that I shouldn’t, I took a beer from one of the cases and popped the top hastily, not caring about the taste anymore. It was my fourth one, and as far as I was concerned, I wasn’t even started yet. The confusing words and thoughts that consumed me were driving me insane, and I wanted to escape them at whatever the cost.

Your dad is dead – did you kill him? I bet you did. Murdered your own father.

‘We aren’t human’ – you’re in the forest with a bunch of lunatics, how does that make you feel, dear?

Oh but that’s only the beginning. Grace is going to tear your world apart – you touched his hand. You grabbed his hand – everything is going to shatter like that glass heart. The only difference is that when the real world shatters, it’s much more gruesome than simple glass will ever be.

These are the thoughts that drove me to drink – the more I drank, the longer the voice would go away and the more faint it would become. Soon, after what I assumed was about my sixth beer, it stopped talking to me completely. I laughed, thrilled at this fact – I didn’t notice Brian eying me with unease and disapproval, or Gerard smiling happily. If I would have, perhaps I would’ve seen the deviousness that burned in his eyes with that smile.

After a while, I just wanted to go to sleep – everything was spinning, and I felt like I was in an eighties movie with bright colors and flashing lights. Although I’m sure it came out much more slurred and uneven, what I said in my mind was, “Where the hell do I sleep?”

A few of the guys were already snoring on the ground in front of the fire, but I wanted just a bit of privacy – Brian, Gerard, and the guys that were still conscious looked at each other, unsure of what to do.

“I’ll find a place for her.”

Gerard stood up, but Brian grabbed his arm and pulled him back down slightly.

“Maybe I should go too.”

He shook Brian off, sneering.

“That isn’t necessary.”

Without another word, Gerard took my hand and led me up towards the overhang, leaving Brian to watch us go without a word.

“So where are we going?”

He smiled. “Well, I don’t really have anywhere else for you to sleep, so I thought you could sleep where I usually do when we come here, and I’ll just sleep by the fire with the others.”

Seemed like a plan to me. As we rounded the edge of the wall formed where the overhang and rock met, he gestured to a deep crevice.

“Well, that’s it. It should be homey enough – shouldn’t be too cold or anything.”

I smiled and started to walk in and go to sleep, absolutely exhausted and drunk beyond all reason; but without warning, Gerard grabbed me and shoved me against the wall of rock, roughly pressing his lips against mine. I didn’t know what to think – after all, he’d seemed innocent enough only moments before. But my judgment was altered, and as his tongue began exploring my mouth I didn’t care. As I returned his kiss, he removed his shirt without hesitation – soon his skin was pressing against my own, but not soon enough. A rough cough broke the moment before anything more could happen, and I imagine we looked a mess; Gerard’s shirt thrown on the ground, my own only half buttoned, and both of us probably looking insanely guilty as Brian looked accusingly at us from around the rock wall.

“Not necessary huh? Glad I came and looked to make sure.”

Gerard just laughed. “This doesn’t concern you anyway – if this is her choice, let it be.”

Brian snarled. “She’s drunk! Of course she’ll choose you! She’ll choose anyone when she’s like this, and you KNOW IT!”

Gerard’s smile disappeared. “Just leave.”

Brian stood defiantly still. “No.”

“Leave or I won’t give her a choice.”

Brian’s composure fell and his mouth curled into deep hatred.

“You’re a monster.”

Gerard smirked. “Aren’t we all.”

Without a choice, Brian turned away – as I watched him go, I saw tears streaking down his cheeks. I didn’t understand why he was so upset, and Gerard didn’t give my intoxicated mind time to mull it over. As soon as Brian was around the corner and out of sight, he was pressing against me again, his breathing ragged.

Between rough kisses, he mumbled, “There’s only one thing I need to ask you before we do this.”

I murmured agreement, not really caring what it was he wanted to ask me.

“I need to know if you’ll be my bond – otherwise we have to stop.”

I nodded.

“No – you have to say it aloud.”

He kissed me deeply again, and so there was no doubt in my mind what I wanted to say.

“Yes – I’ll be your bond.”

There was no speaking after that point – soon, Gerard had all of our clothes scattered randomly around and we’d moved into the crevice where I’d earlier hoped to sleep. As the heat of the moment took over and my intoxicated mind danced happily in my skull, laughing hysterically and thinking that sex was a wonderful choice, I couldn’t help but distantly wonder what I’d agreed to. I couldn’t help but wonder what price I was going to pay for my sin with Gerard – but as he kissed my neck yet again, all of those worrisome thoughts drifted away.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 7

I’d never really gone over the downside of drinking before because to be completely honest, I’d never been drunk before. A bit tipsy sometimes when I’d been dating Jason, but I’d never experienced the aching headache and disorientation I was having right now. I sat upright, suppressing the urge to moan. The sun had edged its way halfway into the small cave-like space I’d slept in. Strange stones glittered in the rays of light, making everything seem almost magical. But this place was magical in its own way, wasn’t it? It was isolated from the outside world and all its troubles. None of the world’s petty economic issues or worries could touch this place – even time seemed to work differently here.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone walking outside the cave entrance, small pebbles shifting under their feet. Gerard was smiling as he walked towards me, an amused expression plastered across his face.

“Feel like getting dressed today?”

I looked down to find only my bare skin staring up at me, and a flush of color rose to my cheeks as I scrambled to cover myself the best that I could. He only laughed and shook his head.

“Your clothes are over there.”

He pointed to a pile of neatly folded clothing to the right of where I sat.

“Turn around.”

He smirked. “What’s the point?”

“Just do it,” I barked.

Surprisingly, Gerard only sighed and turned around, humoring me. As I put on my clothes as quickly as possible, trying to ignore my headache and fatigue, he spoke in an irritatingly calm, sarcastic tone.

“If you’d rather run around without clothes, I doubt that anyone would mind. After all, I hear for some that’s just part of the “camping” experience.”

“This isn’t even close to a camping trip” I spat.

Gerard turned just as I got my shirt on and slowly walked over to me.

“Hangover?” He raised an eyebrow. “I can fix that.”

Before I could ask how, his smirking face colliding with my own, and I suppressed a shudder as I pushed him away.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I screamed.

“Feel anything?”

I was about to start screaming at him again when I realized that I didn’t feel anything – my headache was gone.

“I don’t even want to know.” I said quietly.

He only smiled. “Suit yourself.”

We stood in front of each other awkwardly – it was almost as though he was waiting for something. I was surveying his tattered clothing when it all came back to me; the beer, the kissing, the clothing, and the reason my naked appearance had amused him. Suddenly, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe.

No, this can’t be right – it’s impossible.

But I knew better. Gerard wasn’t the type of man that would have a conscience, and he most certainly would have done something like that if given the chance. I had undeniably given him that chance, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

Gerard slowly and expectantly held out his hand; his smile was gone, and his eyes shimmered in a way I didn’t at all like. As I realized he wanted me to take it, I slowly backed away, shaking my head.

“No.”

He only looked at me with a cold stare.

“You don’t have a choice.”

Bile threatened to rise in my throat as I came to the realization that he was right; I didn’t have a choice. No matter how badly I wanted to resist him, I had done something that felt so sinful and wrong that I was bound to him. In the real world, there were consequences for doing what I had done, but never anything like this. Here, in this magical world that was so ignorantly blissful of everything else, we were now bound to each other in an unbreakable bond, shallowly represented by the stupid mistake I had made. Even though my mind was now clear, this realization wasn’t something that I’d had to think through; it was something that just came on its own.

I tried to ignore the tears that rolled down my face as I took Gerard’s hand and allowed him to lead me outside for all the others to see, as though I was some sort of prize that he’d won in a poorly played game. I held my face up high regardless of the calash of emotions that cascaded through my soul. As we walked through the forest, I kept waiting for my knees to lock up or my legs to give way; but somehow, they held strong. I silently wished that they wouldn’t.

“I know it’ll take some getting used to. But I promise that things will get better as you get used to all of this.”

For once, Gerard sounded sincere – he wanted me to be happy, but for some unfathomable reason, he wanted my happiness to stem from him. He only received silence in response; if I opened my mouth, I knew I would start screaming.

None of the other guys seemed to be around as we took our morning walk; every once in a while, I would catch a glimpse of someone stumbling in the remaining shadows, but whenever we got close enough to see, they were always gone. It was only an hour later that we met Brian by the brook that I’d gotten lost finding the previous day; he was staring intently at the water. It was hard to tell if he was trying to see something underneath the running water, or if he was looking at the water at all.

“Good morning.”

Gerard’s voice made him jump, and I was numbly amazed that he didn’t fall into the small stream. Brian slowly turned to face us, not quite meeting our gaze with his eyes.

“Yeah. I guess.”

Gerard looked at me from the side expectantly, as if telling me to say something. I opened my mouth, but no sound would come; I tried to quietly clear my throat, but Brian looked up at me regardless.

“The sun’s um… nice, today.” I said rather sheepishly.

Brian looked at me in silence for a moment, and then turned to meet Gerard’s eyes. For a split second I felt positive that he would lunge for Gerard’s throat, but then that moment was gone as quickly as it had come. He spoke to Gerard in an even tone, but it fell like acid on the silence.

“I hope another storm comes.”

Gerard looked into Brian’s eyes, and they were silent. I was almost certain that they were somehow speaking to each other with their eyes, like teenage girls conversing at a lunch table when Gerard nudged me.

“We should go.”

I was reluctant, but as he turned to leave I wasn’t given a choice. Regretfully, I walked away too – but before we were lost among the trees, I turned my head and gave Brian a forced smile.

He only stared blankly at me in response.