If I Was Your Vampire

[REVENGE]

If I Was Your Vampire
- Lindsey

I hope you all aren't quite sick of my stories yet - I can't seem to stop writing them. :x Anyway, this is another "Gerard Way/MCR" based story, like Silent Screams Of Sorrow - only written in the first person. It starts off rather slow, but I promise you that as it progresses, you'll love it. (Well... the girls will anyway.) I have the first 15 chapters written already, and I'll post them according to popularity. This is more of a love story than anything, so if you like bitter sweet romances or MCR based material, you'll probably enjoy this. :] And if not... don't read. ;P

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Chapter 1 - Page 1
Chapter 2 - Page 1
Chapter 3 - Page 1
Chapter 4 - Page 1
Chapter 5 - Page 1
Chapter 6 - Page 1
Chapter 7 - Page 1
Chapter 8 - Page 2
Chapter 9 - Page 2
Chapter 10 - Page 2
Chapter 11 - Page 2
Chapter 12 - Page 2
Chapter 13 - Page 3
Chapter 14 - Page 3
Chapter 15 - Page 3
Chapter 16 - Page 3
Chapter 17 - Page 3
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Chapter 1

I’d known somewhere in the back of my mind that eventually I would be led to my own self-destruction, yet I hadn’t known that it would be so close, so near, in such a short period of time. Now, I was letting my mind wander into my own definition of insanity, and seeing things that didn’t exist. Why? Who knows. Having a brother and a boyfriend in a band that was known worldwide as a life saving element, known as an inspiration, and known as a musical group with what all the blonde girls considered extremely hot guys wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. I’d been with the band everywhere; behind the scenes.

Up front, millions of girls, and even guys, obsessed over them day and night, and to be completely honest, it was rather unnerving knowing that nearly any teen or young adult in the world would do whatever they asked without a moments hesitation. So how did I deal with it? The same way that most everyone deals with things at one time or another in their lives: drugs and alcohol. It wasn’t the best way to cope with it, but in my mind it was the easiest.

Gerard had always told me that he’d been afraid of the bands success affecting me, especially since it definitely affected him and the guys. They’d just learned to live with it, and enjoy it. While I, absolutely terrified that at any moment Gerard would drop me for some other fan girl that was hotter, better, or more amazing than I, would sit in the back, watching every move they made and pray that my worst fears wouldn’t come true. It was sort of like living someone else’s dream – millions of people wished they were in my shoes, dating Gerard Way, their dream guy, oblivious to at what cost I was doing it.

And even more people wished they could have their brother in MCR just to brag about it or get free tickets – but when your brother really WAS in the band, it was nothing like that. Ray Toro was my older brother, and I watched him and Gerard and the rest of the guys play amazing shows, but it wasn’t how everyone imagined it to be. It wasn’t like meeting your heroes, it was like getting to be around the guy you loved and see your brother have a successful career; something that I’d never been able to achieve.

The only reason I really and truly did put up with all the stress that the life threw at me was because I loved Gerard to tears – I would lay my life down for him without giving second thought to it. And Ray, he was an amazing guy to have for a brother. Yeah, we fought just like any other siblings did, but it was nice knowing that he was set for life and didn’t have to worry about having a stable future. Now, as I listened the muffled voice of Gerard singing Mama to a theatre of screaming fans and tried to read the label on the pill bottle I was holding, I was starting to comprehend what was really happening to me.

I’d drowned myself in medications and alcohol, something that Gerard had done not too long ago; something that was hard for him not to get involved with again. I was not only ruining myself, but him and the rest of the band as well. He sometimes had bloodshot eyes while performing because of having to strain to keep awake, only to make sure I didn’t overdose on whatever I got a hold of. He’d threatened to end our relationship many times because of it, yet he had always come back. I liked to think it was because he shared the love that I held for him – but I tried not to get overly optimistic.

Ray had taken it upon himself to have many discussions with me, begging me to stop – and in all honesty, I wanted to stop. I wanted it so badly, I wanted to stop doing all this, and I wanted to stop hurting those I loved. But I was hooked; it was an impossibility at this point. Now, I saw things move in the shadows when Gerard assured me there was nothing there; I had thoughts of everyone I loved dying in gruesome ways, regardless of how vile of a person I thought I was; and I kept dreading the moment I was sure would come, the moment Gerard left me in the dust for someone better. And how could I not have those thoughts of him leaving? After all, he had his choice of any girl he met; why me? Why little insignificant me?

“Vivian, I love you. Please, just… grasp that. Grasp it and hold onto it. I won’t hurt you. Please, stop doing this, stop torturing us. All of us hate seeing you like this – you know why? Because we ALL love you. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

Of course it meant something. It meant everything. But these things I was seeing… I knew that they were just the effect of the drugs and booze.. or were they? They seemed so real. It was as if every metaphor that My Chem had ever used in their songs had come to life before my tortured eyes. Vampires watched my movements in the sheltered alleys and shadows. It was so real… so very real…

[Makarov]

It's like as if a diary. I really liked it. :)

[REVENGE]

Yay. :] I'll post the next two chapters - the second is rather boring, but the third is more... up beat. They're rather short anyway.

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Chapter 2

“Babe, get up. C’mon.” I felt kisses being placed randomly upon my face, and for a moment, I thought I might’ve been imagining things again. Yet when I opened my eyes, there was Gerard, his care worn smiling face looking down on mine. I mumbled something about wanting to sleep, and he just chuckled to himself. “Come on, I got up an hour ago, you can do it. I even got you coffee.” My head hurt from the night before… what was it that I’d taken? I didn’t remember. But at the mention of coffee, my eyes opened a bit more and I put on a convincing smile. “Thanks.” I sat up on the couch which one of the guys must’ve laid me on last night after I passed out, wondering why in the world Gerard put up with me. After all, he was, in my eyes, perfect. Not in the sense of nothing being wrong with him, he was human, but in the sense that no guy I’d ever met could surpass his level of passion that he held for the things he loved.

Passion. What a word. Most people I knew associated passion with lust, which in my mind, was terrible. Regardless of what movies and books had turned the word passion into, in my mind, I had a severe passion with Gerard that had nothing at all to do with lust. I was passionate with him in the sense that I loved every aspect of him, everything he did, every goal he set for himself, and every hard stage he went through in life. He was a remarkable person, even though at times I felt that he didn’t realize how amazing he really was. I thought that the sun rose and set by his honor; and maybe it did. In my eyes, anyway. I felt dread well up inside of me as I saw him take a seat across from me in a wooden chair, a solemn look coating his face.

“Uh… you guys did a nice show last night Gee…” As I spoke, I had the feeling that he could see through my happy expression. “Surprised you remember anything about last night.” He mumbled. “What makes you say that?” I knew what made him say that. I knew exactly what made him say that. But would I admit it? Of course not. “You know what. Why won’t you just stop? Drugs and alcohol have nothing to offer you that I can’t. It… literally, hurts me to see you like that. Lying on the floor mumbling things that make no sense and seeing things. I know how hard it is to give it up, but that’s only because you think you need it when you don’t. I thought I needed it, and when I finally gave it all up, I saw that I didn’t. Viv just… please.”

These discussions had been going on for ages now… I was to the point where when I realized that he was about to start in on another speech, I zoned out. I wanted to be drunk. I wanted to be spaced out. And I wanted to see things. Because no matter how weird or crazy the things I saw seemed to others, they were the things that made me feel normal when I was sober. They made me feel human, in an odd twisted way. “C’mon Gee, just chill. I love you, and I’m fine.” The worried look still remained on his face. Apparently my words weren’t very convincing. “Look. When I was drinking booze and taking pills, it got to the point where I wanted to kill myself, as you know. I’m terrified that you’ll get like that soon… and you know that I’ve tried just about everything to stop you. These pictures or people you see… these ‘vampires’… what if one day you do something insane, like want to die to join them? Or something like that? I can’t lose you, and I can’t stress that enough to the point of understanding. Viv, just please…stop doing this, for me?”

This time, I hadn’t zoned out. I actually listened. But all the same, I knew that unless some extremely drastic circumstances occurred, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Not even for the man I loved most in the world. Besides… there was nothing to worry about. I was okay… wasn’t I?


Chapter 3


The smell of alcohol was on my breath as I laughed at the scene unfolding before me. I was backstage at Project Revolution, listening to The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You, a knife gripped within my left hand, a vodka bottle in my right. I was laughing because I was thinking of Gerard’s words earlier in the day. What if one day you do something insane, like want to die to join them? What about it? Hell… it was my life to waste anyway, right? Besides, I wouldn’t do it just yet. I had my dramatic moments, and I wanted my death to be perfect. Without realizing it, I started singing along to the remaining songs, every now and then taking another drink from the bottle I held like life support. Finally, after a long show and screaming applause, Gerard and the rest of the band walked backstage, only a room away from where I now walked around aimlessly in circles, giggling to myself at this turn of events.

“Yeah Frank, next time you do that I’ll just have to ‘accidentally’ trip you too. Not a very gracious thing to do in front of thousands of fans.” I didn’t need to see Frank’s face to see the broad smile I knew and loved. Frank was more like a brother than anything else to me, and for a moment I thought I might miss that smile – Psh… no. I started laughing again, going over Gerard’s words again and again in my mind. I was too drunk to care about anything, too drunk to see what a precarious situation I was in, but all the same I found everything funny. Funny that finally, after such a long stretch of time and lectures, Gerard had been right the whole time. Booze and pills lead to self-destruction, he had said to me. Had I listened? No, of course not. I hadn’t had a reason to. But now, as I played The Black Parade album over and over inside my mind, joining the parade sounded ever more inviting.

Gerard was the first to walk into the room, and upon seeing me standing there with a smile across my face, with the alcohol and a blade in my hands, stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh sh-t.” His response invoked a fresh wave of laughter, and when I finally came to terms with myself again and looked back at the doorway, the rest of the band stood motionless behind him, eyeing the blade with lucid eyes.

Tears spilled over and ran down Gerard’s frozen face, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the right words. In the drunken state I was in, I decided to fill the silence. “Hey Gee… nice show again guys… glad you put on a good last gig for me…” My words were slurred and choppy. “Hey uhh… guys… I was thinkin’ and… maybe this whole black parade thing really is the way to go after all… I mean, you know… you guys make it sound fun…” I giggled again; oblivious to the pain I was giving the guys I loved when sober.

“Vivian…” Gerard’s eyes had never looked so passionate. Not about anything. I silently took note of this, and then continued to think of my dramatic exit. “You don’t want to do this…” I stumbled slightly closer, smiling as I closed the distance between us to only a few yards. “Oh, no, I want to do this. Why not? I mean… sounds great to me…” Ray stepped forward cautiously. “Viv, don’t do this. We love you. Please… you’re my little sister… I can’t lose you… Gerard can’t lose you… none of us can.” He too, was tearing up, but I didn’t take close notice of it. The rest of the band seemed to be frozen, unsure of what to say or do, only forced to watch the nightmare unfold before them.

I set the now empty vodka bottle on the floor beside my feet, and removed the smile from my face. “You guys don’t understand…” I drew out my words, making the endings last longer than they should’ve. “I wanna join the f---in’ black parade!” Gerard’s eyes grew even wider with fear as I lifted my left arm, holding the blade close to the right side of my neck. Time was frozen, no sound escaped, and the cold blade made chills creep up my spine as I prepared to rip across my throat.

[Miki_Niki]

Oh my gosh! That is so incredible!! I love it! Actually,I love all your stories!

[REVENGE]

Thank you. :] New chapters.

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Chapter 4


Gerard acted quickly; but not quickly enough. By the time he had ran to my side, my hand had already moved forward, making the blade rip into my flesh. Tears were streaming down his pale face as he ripped the top jacket off his Black Parade costume, and took off the white t-shirt underneath. I could feel the blood run down my neck, creeping, crawling, and spilling down my shoulder. My chest heaved when I laughed at the life that was now dripping off of my elbow onto the floor, thinking it was funny for reasons that even I didn’t understand. Gerard balled up his t-shirt and pressed it against my neck, pleading aloud for the blood to stop flowing from my body. I looked around the room; the guys were all scrambling around, Ray had his cell phone out, yelling words to the receiving end that I couldn’t hear – Frank, Bob, and Mikey were rushing in circles, trying to do anything they could think of to help. And Gerard held me to his chest, his cries of anguish silent to my deaf ears, as he screamed out for help, begging for death to release its tight grip so that he could only be with me for a little longer…


Chapter 5


Darkness enveloped every emotion, every sight, and every thought I had. At times I would be able to feel hands guiding me somewhere, possibly carrying me somewhere, and every time I would slip back to consciousness just enough to feel these things, I would feel the warmth of a familiar hand holding onto mine for dear life. Thoughts of Gerard, blades, alcohol, and blood all washed away as darkness took over my mind, throwing me into confusion and what may have been hysterical tears. All the while my deathly fate hung over me like a rain cloud, descending lower and lower upon me until I felt its cold touch brush against my face.

Horrific dreams haunted me in my dying state, dreams of Gerard screaming, dreams of him crying, dreams of him writhing in pain. Not even the darkness could rid me of these unconscious images, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t scream or cry because of them. Trapped within all these thoughts and emotions I realized something that had never really become that clear before – I loved him. Not only loved him as a boyfriend, as a husband, or in any other way like that, but loved him in every way emotionally possible. Even somewhat like a brother. He was my entire world and all the substance held inside of it – he was the very thing that made me human. Gerard was the reason that I should’ve thrown the alcohol away, the reason I should’ve listened to him, the reason that I should’ve just stopped everything he wanted me to. I knew, in this bodiless state I was in, that he was everything. Everything I’d ever want or need, everything I’d ever cry for, and everything that I would be willing to die for if necessary.

My will to die had disappeared – it no longer existed. Now all I wanted to do was to wake up, to hold onto him and never again let go, to just f---ing live. I wanted to stop taking the pills and drinking the booze, I wanted to do whatever he needed me to do to make him happy. I wanted to show him that I would go to hell and back if that’s what he wanted. Because that was what he deserved to see, what he deserved to get. He deserved everything and so much more; and I was determined to give it to him.

I suddenly felt like I was falling through the sky… falling into nothing… and then I hit the ground. I jolted back into reality, only to see that doctors and nurses were surrounding me, shocking me back to consciousness. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the warm air. “We’ve got her back.” The medical crew all breathed a sigh of relief, and after checking a few more things, left the room. I knew without checking that I was in intensive care – looking up and to the side, I saw a pouch of blood was connected to me. It shouldn’t have surprised me; after all, I was pretty sure I had cut the main vein in my throat, and blood loss had been the point. But nonetheless, I couldn’t suppress a shudder as I looked at it. And to think… someone gave his or her blood just to help someone like me live a bit longer…

A tall figure rushed into the room, nearly tripping over himself to get there. Ray. The sight of my brother made my lips curve into a slight smile. “Vivian! Oh my god!” He took my hand and squeezed it. “NEVER EVER EVER DO ANY SH-T LIKE THAT AGAIN DO YOU HEAR ME?” His eyes were wide and frantic, but still relieved. I nodded silently, afraid to talk for fear of it hurting. Ray knelt down on his knees and rested his head on the side of the bed, whispering to himself and breathing a bit slower than before. A few minutes later, Bob and Mikey entered the room with roses, broad smiles coating their expressions. Mikey was the first to run over. “Vivian!!” He took no note of all the medical equipment hooked up to my frail form and hugged me tightly, making it slightly more difficult to breathe, but all the same made me chuckle. Bob sauntered over beside Ray, set the flowers on the table beside the small window, and sat down in the nearest chair. “Viv, you scared the sh-t outta us.” I nodded again, not wanting to talk.

The room fell silent with exception to the heart monitor that was beeping to itself. Finally, I felt the need to say something. And as I expected, it hurt. But not as much as the answer did. “Where’s Gerard?” My voice was croaky and weird sounding, but Ray, Bob, and Mikey seemed to take no notice to it. They were simply silent, looking at each other, waiting for the other to speak. After a few moments, Ray looked up at me and spoke in what was almost a whisper. “He’s… he’s drinking.”


Chapter 6


Images came flooding back into my mind, images of Gerard drinking, images of him lying on the bus without the motivation to move – images of him staring blankly into space, wanting to die. How had it come back to that? Was Gerard about to start down that path all over again, all because of me not realizing what I’d had? What I’d had before mindlessly slitting open my neck? “W-where is he?” My words were even more broken as I spoke that time, but I didn’t care. “The last time we saw him, he was in the bathroom. Frank was in there with him, trying to get him to stop drinking, and trying to talk some sense into him, but… we’ve been in the waiting room until just now… we don’t know exactly where he is.”

As if on cue, the door swung open and a figure staggered in, almost tripping as he entered the room and walked unstably to the bed. “…Gerard?” I couldn’t hide the pain in my tone of voice as he smiled crookedly down at me. “Heyyyyyy Viv… you look… not dead. Better than the last time I saw you…” For some reason, this triggered a fit of laughter, yet the happiness in it sounded half hearted, even in his drunken state. He just wasn’t the Gerard I knew. Frank stumbled into the room next, his breathing labored as if he’d been running. Gerard turned and waved at him with the hand that was holding a bottle, sloshing the contents onto the floor and down his arm. “Aw sh-t… and I paid high dollar for this too…” He giggled and resumed waving. “Heya Frankie. Long time no talk.”

Gerard’s face suddenly turned solemn and serious as he focused his attention back to me. “You… really shouldn’t do sh-t like that Viv… I mean, yeah you were like, suicidal but whatever. You shouldn’t-a done it.” He grabbed the metal bar surrounding the bed with one hand, allowing it to support his weight. “I was gonna try it but Frankie said that it was a bad idea. But uhh… I still don’t think it sounds that bad really…” He looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought, but obviously forgot what he’d been saying. His mouth hung open, and his eyes were blank. Then he simply looked back down at me and smiled.

That smile would haunt me in my sleep – it was a smile like no other. It was full of love and hate, happiness and sadness, boldness and fear, pain and anger. It was as if I could see every emotion that had ever crossed Gerard’s face, all packed into one small and bone chilling smile. The smile wasn’t the smile that I was used to, the one that I loved, treasured, and wanted to press my lips against. It was crazed. Tears slipped from my face as I remembered the last time I’d saw that look.

The bus door swung open and Gerard fell onto the concrete, moaning as he tried unsuccessfully to stand up. I shook my head and walked calmly over to him, talking to him as I held out my hand. “Gerard… c’mon, let’s get back on the bus…” He turned his head slightly, smiling at me as he eyed my hand. “Tch… and why should I take your help? It’s not like you care.” His words stung. “How the hell could you say I don’t care? All I’ve DONE the past few months is care. I just don’t understand you sometimes. I hate it when you’re like this. You aren’t…you.” Gerard’s smile faded and he looked into my eyes. “Then maybe, if you don’t love me when I’m me, right now, we shouldn’t be together.”

Later he’d begged me to forgive him for those unmentionable moments; and I had. It’s not like I could really talk, with the way that I was. Not that I didn’t plan on changing as soon as I got out of that f---ing gurney. But right now, as Gerard was mindlessly talking, tripping, and laughing in the hospital room, what could I say? What could I do? I wanted to take all the pain I’d ever given him and bestow it upon myself instead; I wanted to kiss him and walk away from intensive care as if nothing had ever happened; I wanted to wake up from the nightmare that I had no hope of escaping from.

[Miki_Niki]

W.O.W.That's ..... AMAZING!!! more more more!!

[REVENGE]

Thank you for reading - it means a lot. I'll wait a while, and then I may post two or three more chapters if other people show interest - actually, I post them regardless, but I'll still wait an hour or two. That way people who are interested in reading have a chance to catch up.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 7


It was weeks before I was able to leave the hospital – weeks of crying, regretting, and hating myself for bringing Gerard into such a situation. Frank had dragged him in at least once every day to see me; he thought it might help me, and help Gerard. But it hadn’t – it’d just shown me how terribly I’d f---ed up. When the guy I loved had stumbled into the room every day for weeks, bringing the smell of alcohol with him every where he went, I knew that I had done that to him, I knew that he was in pain because of a mistake I had made. A mistake that I kept wishing I could take back every single day.

Now we were back in Jersey, taking it easy for a while. I felt responsible for taking MCR off the road, and it hurt terribly – I knew how badly people around the world wanted to see them. But there was no way around it; even Brian had said that he could see no way to continue the tour in such a condition. He knew that all the fans would lose it if they found out about Gerard drinking again. So here we were, lying around in New Jersey waiting for a miracle to happen. And you know what? No magic was happening. Gerard was drunk every single day – he had picked his old routine back up as if he’d never quit. I, on the other hand, kept the word that I’d made to myself when unconscious; not a drop of alcohol or even one pill had entered my mouth since. But for some reason I couldn’t shake the feeling that the insanity drugs and booze had brought me was still tagging along, refusing to let go of me…

“Hey Viv.” Frank walked down the stairs of the apartment building and sat beside me, a sympathetic look in his eyes. “You wanna take Gerard to go get coffee or something? I was thinking maybe it’d sober him up a bit, but Jamia wants to go out to eat.” I nodded, smiling slightly. “Yeah, sure. Have fun.” Inner knowing was plain on Franks face as he looked at me. Lately he just hadn’t been the funny happy go lucky Frankie that everyone loved so much. “Look… I know that this is hard for you, to see him like this. He’s worse than he was last time, maybe even worse than you were. But… we’ll get through this. He’ll be alright.” Frank patted my shoulder gently before trudging the rest of the way down the stairs and out the door. I hoped he had fun; he deserved it for all the things he’d done for Gerard the past few weeks.

I walked half unwillingly back up the stairs and into the apartment that used to be like a haven to me – a place I could go to escape and just settle into his arms, even cry a little bit if I needed to. He always understood my pain, and never judged me by my faults. But now Gerard’s place that I thought I had known so well had turned into a disaster area. Empty bottles and cans littered the floors, tables and chairs so thickly that if you didn’t look hard enough or know that it was there to begin with, finding anything was impossible. I entered the room with caution, ready for the worst. And there he was, painting random blobs on pieces of paper that didn’t make anything at all. A beer can was sitting beside the paper.

“Gerard let’s go get some coffee – we’ll even splurge and go to Starbucks.” He didn’t look up from his abstract painting, but he did smile. That was a start. “Nah… I don’t want any coffee babe… I gotta beer, or two or three… and a paintbrush. So I’m set for the day.” He let the brush fall from his hand and onto the messy table to free his hand, and then pulled a cigarette package from his shirt pocket. “Sh-t…” I was in luck. No cigarettes, no happy painting day. I smiled to myself and hoped that he didn’t see. “Gee, c’mon, let’s go get coffee and we can get some more Marlboros on the way back.” Gerard stood up, obviously defeated. “Fine, lemme get my jacket.”

The cool October air brushed its way against my skin, but I didn’t wear a jacket. I usually didn’t – I loved the cold. Gerard wore his leather jacket more out of habit then need; he probably just liked the way it looked on him. When he was drunk, anyway. As he made his way behind my lead to Starbucks, staggering slightly, he held the beer can in his hand, taking a drink now and then. I didn’t say a word, knowing that if I did he would explode and promise me that he was fine, that everything was fine. We didn’t get even three blocks of the way there before I heard commotion break out behind me. “Hey, what the f--- man?” I turned around, startled, to see Gerard bending down and picking up a rock that had evidently been thrown at him from a nearby alley.

The man that Gerard was looking at gave me chills – yet at the same time I wanted to approach him. He had a sort of air about him that entranced those who saw and lured them right into his path, almost as if he planned it that way. His hair was messy and dirty, his clothing was ripped and tattered, and his face was scarred. But that wasn’t the odd thing. He was white – as white as newly fallen snow. His skin was so light that it was almost transparent. Gerard took no notice; he merely threw the rock back where it had come, swearing as he did so. He turned around again, prepared to continue in the direction that held the promise of hot coffee and fresh cigarettes, when the rock was thrown yet again. This time, it nailed him right in the back of the head. “F---ING CUT THAT OUT!” He whipped around again, only to see the haunted face once more, before it dodged back into the alley, obviously running away. “Oh no you don’t…” Gerard took after him, almost losing his footing as he turned the corner, and there I was. Standing there, left alone.

Sighing, I ran after the two of them, sure that this was going to add yet another terrible mistake to my ever growing list. I took turn after turn, back tracked several times, and even shouted Gerard’s name, my panic rising as I did so. But even then, I could find neither Gerard, nor the strange man. After an hour I gave up and silently hoped that he’d just gotten so p-ssed off that he’d forgotten all about coffee and cigarettes and had headed back to his apartment.

When I made it back, Frank was back from his date, lounging on the couch. “Uh, Frank. …Did Gerard come back here?” I looked around, trying to find some sign of him. Frank just shook his head slowly, his eyebrows furrowing. “Err… no… I thought you took him out for coffee? Why isn’t he with you?” I felt my eyes start to burn, but I resisted the urge to cry. He’ll be alright… he’s fine… I quickly told Frank all that had happened since he’d left earlier, trying not to leave out any details if I could manage it. He freaked – he immediately called all the guys, yelling and begging for them to come and help look for their lost friend. None of them took long to convince.

Soon Ray, Bob and Mikey were all crowded in Gerard’s small living room with Frank trying to tell them the situation as fast as possible. They decided that they would start searching at once – no time could be lost. None of us knew what could happen in that vital time. “Vivian, don’t worry, okay? We’ll bring him home. I promise.” They all smiled reassuringly at me as they left, except Mikey who was as distraught as I was. Why couldn’t I have just let him stay here and paint his f---ing picture? I wished I could’ve gone with them to look, but Ray wouldn’t have allowed it.

Without meaning to, I fell asleep on the small couch that was covered in most of Gerard’s clothing – he hadn’t bothered to really put anything up after unpacking. The smell of his scent lulled me to sleep in a sense of security, whispering to me that he would be back as soon as I woke up. However, when I woke to Ray gently nudging my arm, that wasn’t the case. Over in the corner, Mikey held Gerard’s leather jacket close as tears rolled down his flushed face.

[Miki_Niki]

Whoa .... Totally unexpected. But still totally awesome.I really like it! Dang,I would kill to be able to write like that!

[link4562]

man thats long. I can never read that. Sounds like its good tho:O

[REVENGE]

Chapter 8


It had been two days since the search began. The guys still wouldn’t give up of course, but hope was steadily sinking downward. Every moment that passed without Gerard was a moment that tore my soul into even smaller pieces – I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it. Everyone was trying to be as discreet as possible, not wanting the press to have a field day over it and upset the fans. How many lives will be lost when they hear that their idol’s gone missing and is presumed to be dead? I shuddered at the mere thought. Yet I couldn’t feel very much sympathy for the fans at this point; my breaking point. Gerard had been my entire life, my entire world for the past five years. And now… he was gone. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. It was like my soul had been ripped away from my body, and I was left to stagger around without a spirit.

Now I lay on the couch – the couch that was still covered in a majority of Gerard’s favorite clothing – sobbing, wishing that things could have been done different, done over. His scent, mixed with the smell of alcohol, intoxicated everyone who entered the room, bringing back painful memories and thoughts. But I couldn’t help myself, I refused to move. Ray and Frank were with Alicia and Mikey, trying to calm him down and reassure him of hope that was non-existent. Bob sat across from me on a small recliner, staring into space trying to think of something to tell me. Something to make it better. He had been silent for quite a while before finally speaking in a low cracked voice.

“He’ll… he’ll come back, Vivian. We’ll find him. It’s only been two days; he’s still out there, I promise you. Gerard’s too strong to let himself…” Bob couldn’t finish the sentence. But I could. “Die?” I shook my head, making more tears stain the couch. “He’s not coming back Bob. Never. He’s dead.” My own words stung more than I’d planned, but someone had to say them – I knew that no one else would. Bob stood up and walked over to me, stepping over the littered floor. He put his hand on my face, lifting it up so that he could look into my eyes. “You’re wrong.” With that said, he left; left me to my thoughts, my emotions, and my empty heart. I let the tears slip out until finally, combined with the scent of Gerard’s clothes, I fell into sleep, where I was haunted with dreams filled to the brim with memories.



I woke to the sound of the front door opening – it had a creak in it that I’d always asked Gerard to fix, but he never had. It was dark, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to see a figure slowly coming in and shutting the door behind him. “Ray? Frank?” In my heart I knew exactly who it was, I knew it the whole time; but it wasn’t something that my mind was willing to believe right away. Gerard walked across the room, in a graceful way that I had never thought possible. His feet were bare, his faded jeans were ripped, and his tight black t-shirt clung to his pale skin. His closely cropped jet-black hair was dark as ink in contrast to his face – his white face. Gerard’s skin was so white, so pale, that it seemed to be glowing in the shadow of the living room, thriving and living off of the darkness. He held a beauty in the way he held himself upright, in the way he gently pursed his lips, and in the way he said my name with both a warming and calming air. “Vivian.”

I couldn’t help but let my mouth silently fall open, wanting so badly for this to finally be a dream that I didn’t have to wake up from. “G-… Gerard?” He walked calmly and delicately over to where I was now sitting upright on the couch. “Gee, where’ve you-“ He pressed his lips against mine, pressing down with a sense of coldness mixed with the warmth of lust. He drew away, and pressed his index finger to my mouth. “Shh…” Passion was radiating out from his very body, yet I didn’t smell even the faintest scent of alcohol. Was he actually sober? Our lips met again, colliding over and over, and I couldn’t help myself. I got completely lost in the moment – I forgot everything, everything but the chill that should’ve been warm, the coldness of his breath on mine that should’ve been heat, and the knowledge that I had my Gerard back, not only my Gerard, but the Gerard I loved multiplied.

He took my hands in his and pressed his body against mine, seducing me to the point of no return, taking advantage of my one extreme weakness - himself. He held me so close and so passionately, that I didn’t even really feel the chill on his pale skin, the one thing that should’ve stood out most of all at that crucial moment. I felt it against me, the chill, the cold, but I didn’t really feel it. I just felt his touch, his breath, and his movements, not the actual chill. But I didn’t need to feel the chill to sense his body – and it was all I wanted to feel. Gerard was different in some way, and I knew that, but as we lay in the night on the seclusion of the couch, our figures embraced and our breathing exposing every sense of passion, I only cared about one thing. My world was back where it belonged.


Chapter 9


I could feel my eyes open hesitantly as I drowsily awoke – Gerard was still lying next to me, his breath tickling along the side of my neck. I sat part of the way up, studying his face, his breathing patterns, and his slightly parted lips. Glistening white pointed teeth smiled up at me, only barely visible. Suddenly, I felt the chill of his skin; I felt the ice on his breath; and my eyes grew wide. His skin, no longer concealed by the shade of night, was exactly like the man that had threw the rock at him only three nights before; almost transparent. I could feel my pulse quicken as I had flashbacks and faint memories of what I’d saw when on the drugs and booze, what images had flooded into my mind, what haunted figures had watched me from the shadows. Vampires. What was happening? I hadn’t touched alcohol or pills since I’d been hospitalized… why were these images coming back now?

Just as I was starting to contemplate insanity, Gerard’s eyes opened, and he grinned warmly up at me. “Good morning.” Before I could second guess or pull away he pressed his lips against mine – they were still the same comforting lips I loved but… they were so cold…As he pulled away, I decided to just go with the insanity and paranoia route, and act as if everything was still exactly the same as it was before. He was still acting like Gerard, wasn’t he? There’s nothing wrong with him… I’m just a little sleepy and stressed… that’s all…

I managed to get myself up off of the couch and into the kitchen, falling into the same old routine. Right when I was about to switch on the coffee maker, I heard Gerard call from the living room. “Uh, Viv, I don’t want any coffee this morning if that’s alright with you.” No COFFEE? WHAT? In the five years I’d known Gerard, he had never turned down coffee. My plan of just pretending nothing was wrong was shattered. I walked back into the living room and sat back down beside him, trying not to look too shocked or worried.

“Can I talk to you about something?” He smiled reassuringly at me, obviously trying to hide the anxiety in his eyes I could see so well. “Sure, Viv. Shoot.” I took a deep breath, only half believing that I was actually seeing what my eyes seemed so sure of. “Gee… you seem… different.” His smile disappeared, replaced by a stern unbreakable expression. “What makes me seem… ‘different’?” I sat still for a moment, trying to sort out my thoughts and how much I should tell him. After a few minutes, I decided that if he really was my Gerard, then I could tell him anything, and he would understand. He may suggest psychiatric help, but he would still at least pretend to understand. “You’re just… so cold… you just feel so diff-” I didn’t dare finish for the look that crossed his face – for a split second, he looked angry, and then covered it up again with the same stern expression as before.

“Vivian” He said, choosing his words carefully. “I know that we promised each other long ago that we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other… but, you’ve got to understand. This is something that I just can’t tell you. I… please, just know that I love you. Please let that be enough.” Gerard stood up and gracefully strode across the room, opened the door, and closed it without making a sound. I sat there, thoughts soaring and overlapping each other within my mind, without a hope of calming myself down. Yet, one word continued to make itself known over all others, no matter how hard I tried to beat it back. Vampire…

[REVENGE]

Chapter 10


Where the hell is he? I stood backstage with Ray, Frank, Bob and Mikey, pacing the floor and waiting for Gerard to show up. I’d called the guys earlier and told them that Gerard had come back, and they had immediately called Brian and asked for a show that night. I had told them that they should take it easy and just chill for a while, but they hadn’t listened. The guys loved what they did, and they wanted to be back on the stage with Gerard, where they all belonged. Besides, they had all been to the point of tears when they heard that their friend was still alive – they wanted to get back to what they loved and spend some time with him, and it was always even better for them when they got to play in Jersey. But here we were, waiting and whispering, wondering where in the hell he was.

Earlier, he had come back to the apartment for shoes and fresh clothes; he had gotten soaked from the downpour of rain. The day was drearily downcast with cloudy skies, yet Gerard had seemed extremely happy about it. Why he’d left without shoes was beyond me, but I hadn’t dared to say anything for fear of getting caught up in the same conversation as before. When I told him of the plans for a last minute concert, he’d seemed happy enough, but had only requested that the guys wait until the show to see him, and insisted that he had things to do. Things that, apparently, had taken longer than expected. Chants of “MCR” from the restless crowd could be heard echoing around in the theatre, and there was still no sign of him.

A metal door behind us swung open and a figure rushed in; scarlet was dripping from his hands onto the floor and tears were streaming down his pale face. “…Gerard?” He showed no sign of hearing – he ran into the nearby bathroom and hastily turned the sink on, washing the blood off of his hands. He tried shutting the door with his leg, but it didn’t click shut and merely drifted slowly open again, revealing Gerard scrubbing fiercely at his skin, as if trying to scrape off the deed that was already done. I realized that as he’d passed me, I’d been looking at his mouth – paranoia, I suppose. But one thing clicked in my mind as I brought the image back before my eyes. His teeth weren't sharp.

Chills ran down my spine and bumps formed on my arms as I made the connection between our earlier conversation and the scene taking place before me now – I refused to accept what logical idea my mind had come up with. But that was the thing; it wasn’t logical. It wasn’t logical in the least. There’s no such thing as vampires… there’s no such thing as vampires… No matter how many times I silently repeated it to myself, it never truly sunk in. I never really believed it.

Gerard came out of the bathroom wiping off his tears with his hands, which looked to be rubbed raw. Ray stepped forward a bit, talking as he did so. “Err… Gerard, where’ve you been? And what the f--- was that about?” Gerard stopped walking, and simply shrugged his shoulders. “I was… experimenting with some new make-up and I wanted to surprise you guys, but it didn’t work out… I had an allergic reaction, and it made my eyes water. I, uh, tried fake blood on my hands too, just to see what it looked like, but then I saw I was running really late and hurried over here without washing up first.”

Silence descended as we all looked at Gerard, trying to decide for ourselves if he was telling the truth. His lips curved into a half smile, and he motioned the guys to come with him as he started walking towards the stage. “Come on. Let’s give these kids a f---in’ great show.” No one argued with him, and the guys all filed behind him onto the dark stage, nervous and curious expressions covering their faces.

They had all imagined seeing Gerard again to be filled with hugs and smiles, both of which were non-existent as “The End” started playing. I watched him closely during the concert, his movements and gestures limited, as he never neared the front of the stage close to the fans. Just as the band got halfway through “Sleep”, a red rose was flung from the crowd and onto the stage. Gerard eyed it for a moment, breathing heavily, and then fell to his knees, screaming madly as a crazed look entered his eyes and the stage lights faded to red.

[Miki_Niki]

Cool! I really like it!! Are you going to write more?

[REVENGE]

Yes, I've already wrote all of the Chapters up to 18. Although, I'm not sure I'll finish it. I'll think about it though.

[Wanted Penguin]

I've seen this story in GC before, then it got switched to writers block and I forgot about it. I decided to read it now and it's great! You have to post more Lindsey! This story is going great so far so please post the rest of the chapters :] I'll die if I don't know what happens to Gerard XD

[FlamingIce]

Fantastic, it's nice you put soem effort in your stories, they came out fine.

[REVENGE]

Alright, new chapter just for Raluca. xP

Chapter 11


Gerard’s eyes were black - not green, not blue, not brown, but black. The white of his eyes made the darkness within creep out, and his scream rang out inside the theatre, echoing and ricocheting off of the walls to send chills down the backs of all who heard. This time as I watched him, I knew there was no way that I was mistaken – by the looks of everyone else around him, I wasn’t the only one noticing the changes. His teeth gleamed in the red light that projected down from its root, casting darkened shadows that moved and writhed with the dying guitar and drum pieces.

The rose held the key, the rose was what had caused this insanity, this scene of terror – but all I could do was watch helplessly as Gerard lay on the stage in front of thousands of fans, screaming and even crying as the red light was reflected in his wide eyes, his eyes that held pain, anger, and terror. The fans, horrified at seeing one of their role models, one of their heroes lying helpless on the ground in pain, started trying to get onto the stage, and some even started trying to get out of the building. Frank ran over Gerard, yelling his name, begging him to calm down among the havoc, but his desire for peace was left unsatisfied; Gerard heard nothing but the young screaming girl who was refusing to be silenced, refusing to let him off easily. He glanced over, looked at the rose which lay so calmly next to him once more, and ran off of the stage, not even stopping to answer to my questions as I was thrown into hysterics.

The rest of the guys ran off of the stage behind him, leaving their instruments when they went as fans started to get out of control, crying, fighting, screaming, and shoving, trying to make some sense of the scene that had unfolded before them, simply because a young girl had thrown a rose. Ray, Frank, Bob and Mikey ran up to me as I felt myself being quickly overwhelmed at what I was being forced to believe, what I now had no choice but to believe, what seemed absolutely impossible. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SH-T ABOUT?” Ray and the guys all started yelling random questions and answers around at each other, trying to force it all to make sense. I knew that if Gerard really was in the type of situation that I thought he was in, no one else but me could talk to him now – especially not when the guys were so angry and confused. My tears ebbed when I thought of all the wonderful times I’d got to spend with Gerard, all the times we’d laughed and smiled; it helped me to get my emotions in order long enough to speak.

“Guys, I’m going to go talk to Gerard… Please just stay here and let me speak to him. I think it would be better that way.” The guys all nodded and slumped off, still mumbling to each other the answers and questions they’d come up with. I walked outside to find Gerard sitting on the ground leaning against the building, rain drenching his already chilly skin, his tears blending in with the weather. For a split second, I questioned myself; why should I help someone, something, which was [b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b]ed for all of eternity? Because… I love that something. “Gerard…” I got rid of all my boundaries and fears and wrapped myself around him, and while my arms traced comfortingly on his cold form and allowed his tears and the rain to land upon them, all pretenses disappeared; I would rather take a chance and die entwined with the man I loved, than die in some other meaningless way. Even if I were to die by his own hands.

[Wanted Penguin]

omg I love you Linsey XD This story is so suspenseful I can't wait to read more. Please keep posting <3

[REVENGE]

Chapter 12


Gerard’s existence upon this fragile earth was that of something that was simply not meant to be – he wasn’t supposed to exist. Not in the way in which he did exist, in the way of being that of the living dead. Yet, here he was, tears and rain coating his clothes, his hair, and his skin. Here he was, screaming and sobbing out words of conviction, of guilt, of self-hate. Here he was, telling me of the life that had been taken from the world by his own cold hands, his hands that he now loathed with crazed torture. The life that had been that of a small girl, a girl no older than seven years. We sat in the pouring, drenching weather as he told me of his horrific murder – we sat in the rain, entwined as one, as he told me of the one thing that he would rather die than admit aloud. Than admit to himself.

He told me as he shook, as he cried, as he confessed to his fate as of the [b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b]ed, of how he had begged the young girl to run away. He had begged, he had thrown himself to the ground as his body had started to lose control when his thirst had started to consume his mind and emotional self. The young girl, whose name she had told him to be Angela, had carried with her a rose, red as the small frilly dress that she had been wearing. No doubt her mother had dressed her in it before leaving her behind in the park. She had been the only one in the park – that’s why Gerard had gone there. To get away from the people, to get away from the thirst. But it had followed him along just the same.

Angela had come up to him, where he had sat calmly and coolly upon the park bench, and had offered him the wilted flower. Her smiling face of innocence would no doubt haunt Gerard for all of eternity. Her giggling laugh as he had fell to the ground, in what she had thought to be a clever joke, would follow him everywhere his cold form went. When he had begged her, and even screamed at her to leave, she had merely held her hand out, the rose outstretched in front of his face. She had smiled when he’d hastily grabbed the flower from her hand and thrown it beside him, in what she had thought to be acceptance. Yet she had cried when he’d lost control of his otherworldly self and knocked her to the ground. She had grown silent as he found himself sustained, and her blood had leaked onto his hands. Angela would never leave Gerard – even if he lived long enough to see the world end in fire and ice.

We sat outside the theatre, drenched in rain and secrets; oblivious to all else as we both accepted each other. As we both accepted what would surely become of us. Death was something that we had both known was inevitable from the very beginning. Neither of us had realized that immortality was existent. But at what cost? The cost of having to live forever with the knowledge of death and innocence; the cost of wanting to be good hearted with no possible way to be such. Yet as I looked into Gerard’s eyes, at the pain, at the love for this world and people within it – I knew that he would find a way.

[kogeck]

Finally! Chapter 12 was great. Wow, it's awesome so far. MCR is awesome, BTW.

[Frozen Angel]

I will never regret declaring you the Entertainer Of The Forum when it comes to writing.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 13


The rain continued to pelt down upon us as I did my best to lead Gerard home. I hadn’t had time to tell the guys that we were leaving, but I was sure that they could figure it out themselves – Gerard needed to get away, to relax, and to do something to forget the small fragile face of a young girl who haunted him every time he closed his eyes. He was still mumbling something that sounded like, “Why her, why not me instead?” when we stumbled through the door and into his dirty apartment. Dust had settled on every still surface, causing the make shift household to smell of musty grime and silence – almost of death. He absent-mindedly sat on the couch we knew so well, and put his face in his hands. As I sat beside him he began talking in a low timid voice, the chill on his breath radiating out to meet the warmth of my skin. “Vivian… I… what if I can’t control it around you? I can’t let anything happen to you… I just, I can’t take that chance…”

I saw the longing in his eyes, the longing to be good, to be human – but I also saw the thirst that would slowly and surely take hold of him again, and perhaps even latch onto the last bit of humanity that he had left. His soul. How could I help him to rid himself of that torturous thirst, if at the same time it meant taking away a life that neither of us had any business taking? “Gerard, I’ll always be here for you. Even in… even in death.” He lifted his head from his hands and wrapped his icy arms around me, and gently stroked the length of my neck with his cold fingers. “I won’t hurt you Viv. I wouldn’t be able to. No matter how… hard, it gets. I promise.”

Something about his cold touch entranced me – just as it did the last time. I should’ve been warned by it, I should’ve taken heed of the warning that was evident in his eyes and in my heart; but I didn’t. I once again allowed him to do what he wished, to do what I wished – I allowed him to forget the face that haunted him so diligently when he blinked, when he closed his eyes. His cold lips found mine, almost as if they were trying to assure me that Gerard wouldn’t hurt me, trying to assure me that I wouldn’t be facing death to stay with the man I loved. But could I trust them? Could I trust his hands that held a prominent chill as they traced over my body, over my neck? I knew that he would ask me in time, ask me if I would be willing to die – if I would be willing to spend eternity with him in such a torturous form. What would I say? His touch was welcome and comforting, but the chill was still there, and it would never go away. Never.


Chapter 14


The following day I decided to pay a visit to my parents – something I hardly ever did. They too lived in New Jersey, so it was a mere 45-minute drive away. They’d been calling my cell phone for the past few days without answer – apparently they had something to tell me that I probably didn’t want to hear. I gently kissed Gerard’s forehead in a solemn goodbye, and headed out the door in ragged jeans, black converse, and a plain black t-shirt, something that I knew my parents would be disapproving of in its simplicity. Sadly enough, I found myself playing dark tracks the entire drive there, including Marilyn Manson’s If I Was Your Vampire. They reminded me so much of the one thing that I knew I would soon be drawn to do, to become a part of. Because no matter how much I told myself that I would resist, that Gerard would never suggest such a thing, I knew that he would. It was only a matter of time. Besides, who’s to say that the strange vampire from the alley only a few blocks away wouldn’t get me before he did anyway? Someone I loved, someone I knew would have the power to stop and leave me to be immortal rather than to drink from me until I wasted away completely, would be the one to take me.

I pulled into their well-kept drive, green grass growing perfectly around the fairly large white house. They were peeking out at me behind the white curtains, giving me disapproving looks as Vampires Will Never Hurt You met their ears. I walked calmly and hesitantly up to the front door, wondering what they would have to nag on me about this time. The door opened after only one deliberate knock, and my mother gave me a warm smile as I stepped into the familiar home. My father was reading the morning paper in his dark green armchair, smoking his pipe. I’d always hated my household because it had always seemed too normal. And if there was one thing I hated, it was normal.

“So, honey, how are you? Nice of you to come.” I rolled my eyes in her general direction, my mind taking in every aspect of the house for future reference in case I never got to see it again. “Good God Mom, you don’t have to do all that fancy greeting sh-it for your own daughter.” She winced as I swore; I was 27 years old and it still bothered her. “Ahem, well…” She smoothed the creases out of her red blouse, trying to think of something to say. “Vivian, come sit down. We’ve been wanting to speak with you about something for quite a while now.” Oh great. I sat down on the nearest chair, which was a replica of the one my father was sitting on across the room. My mother sat on one end of the white couch and faced me as my father folded up the paper and sat it to the side.

“Vivian…” He started. “Your mother and I have been talking for a few days now, and we think it’s best if you leave that… boy of yours. He doesn’t make a good match for the family, and he just seems… odd in the head. We saw him on television the other day, and your mother and I are absolutely appalled…” My jaw dropped. I knew that they hated Gerard, but they’d never but it so bluntly before. My eyes turned to my mother as she too started talking. “Honey, you used to be so… sweet and gentle. And now you look like one of those girls off of those rock magazines…”

Fury rose within me as I took in what they meant – they didn’t want me to make the family look bad. Even if I did love someone, it didn’t matter to them. Appearances were everything. I rose hastily from my seat, no longer caring if I saw any of my family ever again – Gerard was all I needed. As I started screaming at my parents for being so hard headed, I realized why Ray had lost contact with them years ago – they’d probably asked him to stop playing guitar and to stop doing such things they called foolishness. No wonder his face would turn red at the mention of them. Nothing my parents could say now could stop me from leaving them behind in the dark, in the dust – their eyes were wide as I sped away from the house, House Of Cards by Madina Lake playing as loud as it would go. I drove back to Gerard’s apartment, but only stopped momentarily. I wasn’t ready to go back in yet. As I parked the slightly dirty gray car, I decided to walk to the one place that I might have some sort of peace or serenity.

The park was quiet and empty as usual; I sat on a wooden bench and silently wondered what had happened to the little girl that had been killed there – would I come to the same end? “You don’t have to hide from me.” Gerard was leaning against a nearby tree, looking down at his shoes. I hadn’t noticed that the sun wasn’t shining; today was a cloudy day, perfect for him to be walking about in the open. Would I miss the sunlight warming my skin if I said yes to the question that I could feel looming in the air?

[REVENGE]

Chapter 15


Gerard walked with deliberate steps in my direction, striding in a sort of graceful dance-like walk. As he sat beside me, for some reason I felt uncomfortable and clammy – I felt like I belonged somewhere else, somewhere where I could think clearly. “Viv—“ “Gerard, I’m going to go eat… I’ll uhh… be back… later.” I couldn’t help but cut him off; I was terrified that he would ask the question I dreaded before I’d had time to actually think about it. A hurt look crossed over his face and he looked down at the dying grass on the ground. “Oh… okay… I’ll just, um, wait here then.” The somber look on his face almost stopped me from leaving – almost. I walked from the park, my mind racing as I felt his eyes watching my back. The leaves that crunched under my feet reminded me it was autumn, which was normally my favorite season – the colors that glazed the trees that time of year had always made me smile. This year, however, I’d hardly noticed the colors or chill in the soft breeze.

After several minutes of walking, I found myself on a badly set sidewalk that had grass growing through the cracks, staring through a glass window that read, “Romano Restaurant”. I decided that it was as good as any place, seeing as I wasn’t really that hungry. I felt in my pockets to see what little money I had, and found that I had just enough for what seemed like a fairly good Italian restaurant. When I stepped through the double doors and waited to be seated, the familiar and welcome scents of Italian spices and fragrances met my nose as I inhaled – Italian was my favorite type of food, and I hoped that it could help me to relax. The waitress seemed nice enough, and left me to look at the menu without bothering me too terribly much. Gerard’s face kept coming back to me; the look right before I’d left him there in the park… it had looked… guilty.

I ended up with a Dr. Pepper and a plate of Chicken Alfredo – I didn’t taste anything as I ate. The only thing I did was think, not taste, nor sense, just think. Thoughts of vampires, blood, little girls in scarlet dresses… “Your check, madam.” I smiled the best I could and took the paper from the woman’s outstretched hand, hoping she couldn’t see the nightmares in my eyes. She paused, and for a moment I panicked – what if she somehow knew what I was involved in? But she merely walked away, leaving me to my thoughts and fears. I sat in the green leather chair for at least another hour, just thinking. Thinking about what I feared, what I wanted, and what I wanted for Gerard. I wanted him to be happy right? I wanted him to be complete? In the horrific situation he was in now, I knew that the only way to comfort him was to have someone who understood the pain he was now going through daily; someone who craved the same thing he did. After internal conflicts and seemingly unending arguments with myself, I made my choice. If death were the price to pay for his happiness, I would lay down my mortality and innocence for it.

I placed a small tip under the ashtray that lay on the wooden table in front of me, and hoped that the Romano employees wouldn’t complain that I’d been there for about an hour without buying anything else as I paid. I walked out the glass doors that were slightly smudged in places with fingerprints without trouble; I was extremely grateful that they either hadn’t noticed or hadn’t minded. The air was crisp and clear as I stepped out into the open city streets, and the closer to the park I got, the colder the atmosphere seemed to get. I crossed my arms across my chest and hugged myself tightly, feeling cold for the first time since last winter – what if Gerard hadn’t waited? What if he’d gotten angry and left?

Soon, my question was answered – I walked as calmly as I could into the park, reassuring myself that all was well and he would be waited as he said he would. The nearer I got to the area where I’d left him, the more prominent the realization that he wasn’t there became. My feet quickened into a brisk run, making a beeline for the bench when I realized he really wasn’t there. My eyes dropped down to the seat of it, and froze. Lying on the wooden surface was a crumpled piece of paper with a wilted shriveled rose lying upon it. Slowly, I reached down and took hold of the stem of the flower and held it up in front of me. Its petals had darkened to a black around the edges; only the centers showing the faint hint that it had once been red. Blood was dried on the stem, crusted and holding a sort of significance in its maliciousness. I cautiously picked up the small note in the same manner, and my eyes swelled with tears as I read Gerard’s scrawled handwriting.


The echoes of my voice follow me down to this hell. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you, and as my thirst grows stronger it’s becoming harder and harder to make sure that promise is left unbroken. I see only one way to ensure that your soul remains safe, and so I’ll watch the sun rise tomorrow morning in my favorite place. Don’t think any less of me – I love you eternally Vivian. Eternally.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 16


The rose gently fell to the ground, its dark petals casting a shadow upon the damp grass as my world slowly began to unravel. The shadows cast by the decrepit flower were just as dark as my thoughts as I realized what his letter meant - he was going to kill himself to protect me. Stupid little insignificant me. My world slowly started to unravel as I stood motionless in the park, the clouds fading to darker and darker shades as the sun set behind them.

Just as my right hand had released the rose, my left now loosened its grip on the note, letting the soft wind carry it away in front of me. Oh how I wished the nightmare it held in its elegantly written words would disappear along with it. Instead of the images of Gerard lying on the bus wanting to die flooding back into my mind, I saw various clips of horror movies we’d watched together in a happier time and place; what would he look like if I found him a moment too late? Would nothing but ashes be lying in the place of the man, the vampire, I loved more than my own life? I had to find him – or death would be my only other option. If there was one thing on this earth that I refused to live without, it was Gerard.

The wind died down to a soft breeze, blowing my hair into my face as I started running to save what was most precious to me. Don’t do it Gerard, please… don’t do it. I knew exactly where his favorite place was – but could I reach it before the sun rose? Not without help. My feet hit the darkened sidewalk with a determined air; I was running to one of the other few places that I felt safe and secure, one of the very few places I felt loved. Unfortunately, it took me over 45 minutes to get there – time was not something I had to spare. “RAY!” I beat on the metal door in front of me, praying that he would hear me; I was already short of breath from running the entire way. After a few more hectic beats on the door and some screams that no doubt woke the entire neighborhood, Ray opened the door, drinking a bit from the can of Coke in his hand as he spoke. “Vivian? What are you doing here?” What could I tell him without making myself look insane? I sighed and silently decided that I had no choice – I had to tell him the truth, and hope that he didn’t take me to a mental institution.

“Ray… can… can I talk to you?” He furrowed his eyebrows, confused. “Err, sure. C’mon in.” I slowly wandered inside, looking around as I went. It’d actually been quite a while since I’d been to Ray’s house – it looked pretty nice compared to Gerard’s place. Not because of the actual material possessions, but for the fact that our mother had taught Ray and I to clean. He accidentally slammed the door behind me, causing me to jump as I spun around. “Viv, what the hell is up with you lately? You’re so jumpy. And Gerard, what the f--- is his problem?” It took me a moment to find my voice as I avoided his eyes. “Ray… I need you to take me to Elena’s house.” I hesitated. “I… I need you to take me there tonight – now if you can.”

He frowned. “Viv, that’s like an hour away or so. Why do you need to go there?” I sighed, distressed – why couldn’t he just take me no questions asked? “Because that’s where Gerard is, and I need to get there before the sun comes up.” Ray gave me a glance that suggested he was questioning my sanity – I couldn’t really blame him. After all, why specifically mention the sun, like it was a poison? “Err… you’re kind of scaring me. What does the sun have to do with anything?”

I took a deep breath, and prayed to a God that I wasn’t even sure existed that my brother wouldn’t rush me to the nearest hospital for a mental check up. “Ray… God, I don’t know what the hell to say to make you believe me but…” I took one last sigh. “Gerard’s a vampire.”

Unfortunately for me, Ray reacted how I’d thought he would – with panic and disbelief. “What the f--- are you TALKING about? Vivian, are you on something again? Have you been drinking? Maybe I should get you to the hos—“ “NO! There’s no f---ing time! I need to get to Elena’s house NOW. It’ll take two hours to get there and back, and we need to go while there’s still plenty of time left…” I paused. “Look, he’s going to try and commit suicide with the help of the sun to protect me, and I can’t let that happen. Please.”

My brother looked at me with a blank stare – a hurtful stare. A stare that asked me if I was actually saying what I was saying, and proposing to go to Gerard’s late grandmother’s house before the sun rose because he was a suicidal vampire. No doubt I’d said meaningless things like this when I was drunk, but this time he had to listen – this time I wasn’t drunk, and I was telling the truth. But how could I make him believe me?

“Viv, I’m gonna call the guys over and we can talk… okay? We’ll get through this stage of… whatever it is, and when Gerard gets back from wherever the hell he is, he’ll tell you everything’s fine too.” Why hadn’t I kept the [b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b][b][color=red]- PLEASE REPORT ME FOR SWEARING!!! -[/color][/b]ed letter? Why had I let the wind carry it off when it was my only hope to convince them that I at least wasn’t lying about Gerard being suicidal? “No, please, you have to beli-“ “C’mon, it’ll be okay, you might just need some rest after all this stress lately – here, come lie down.”

Reluctantly, I allowed him to lead me over to his small ketchup and beer stained couch, telling me repeatedly that everything would be fine, ensuring that after I woke up it would all go away. I wish he knew how badly I want to go to sleep and wake up from all of this – how badly I want him to be right. As I was gently pressured down to lay down and try to rest and assured that the guys would be called over soon, all that was going through my head and keeping me from screaming was the thought of the letter and blood stained rose – the rose that would now haunt me as it did the man I loved.

[REVENGE]

Chapter 17


I stepped towards the edge of the cliff in front of me, not bothering to think of consequences. I’d saw all I’d needed to – Gerard’s burning skin, his painful cries, everything that had drove me to suicide. The truth was that I couldn’t live without him, I simply couldn’t. Over the years I’d known him he had become my entire world, and now that my world was burned to a pile of ashes, what was left for me here in this hollow life but more death? In a way it was selfish… and I knew that. Ray would have to deal with another loss, and I felt terrible for that fact.

My parents wouldn’t care, but the guys would – in the bottom of my heart I felt they would understand, though. They would know my pain, and would accept it. They would know I was happier somewhere else with Gerard, whether that be heaven or hell – either way, it didn’t matter to me. I put my right foot over the edge, causing a few rocks to dislodge and fall to the depths below. Then I took one last breath; I thought of the man I loved, visualizing his face; and jumped.


Waking to the sound of voices around me, I sat up startled – I’d just killed myself, hadn’t I? In my dream? With realization that wasn’t shocking in the least, I knew that unless I reached Gerard, that’s exactly what would happen. Maybe not something as dramatic as jumping from a cliff, but I would kill myself all the same. But the painful truth was still there, the fact that Gerard wasn’t dead yet, that there was still time – but no one was listening.

I turned to see Frank, Bob, Ray, and Mikey all looking at me with questioning expressions, examining me trying to look for something to prove my insanity on my skin or in my eyes. “Uhh… how long have I been sleeping?” Frank looked at the clock, then back at me. “About… eight hours. Maybe a little over.” My eyes grew wide and I jolted from where I sat to the nearest window, and spread the curtain to see that the night was still, thankfully, keeping guard. But I knew that there wasn’t much time – I’d overestimated myself and fallen asleep after all the stress. I had to convince them to drive me to Elena’s in the next thirty minutes if I still wanted to get him back home – an hour if we stayed at Gerard’s grandmothers. But all the same, time was running out and I wasn’t sure I would be able to convince them at all.

A plan popped into my mind – and I immediately took hold of it and set it in motion. “Frank?” I said in a sleepy voice. “Can I talk to you alone?” He looked at the guys, then back at me as Ray nodded slightly. “Err, yeah, sure Viv.” He tried to smile, but I could see the worry behind his eyes. We walked to Ray’s bedroom in the back of the apartment, ignoring the messy sheets and dirty clothes littering the floor – I supposed I’d misjudged Ray’s cleanliness.

We sat down on his bed, and Frank looked at me as if to say something, but I interrupted – I didn’t have time for people to tell me that they thought I needed to lay off the booze, though I wasn’t drinking any. “Frank, I’m sure Ray’s told you everything, but I need you to listen. You’ve been one of my best friends for a long time now – and now I need your help.” He nodded, as if asking me to continue. “Regardless of what Gerard is, regardless of if you all think I’ve gone off my rocker, he IS going to kill himself. There’s no questioning that. He’s been there for you through everything, and you know it. Now, can you please drive me to Elena’s? We can judge my sanity and his mortality later, but right now Gerard needs both of us.”

Frank looked down at the gray carpet below his feet on the edge of the bed, and sighed. “Alright. I’ll take you to Elena’s – but when we get back, you have to promise that you’ll tell the guys and me what’s going on with you. Okay?” Instantly without a second thought, I gripped Frank in the tightest hug I could muster, tears rolling from my eyes. “THANK YOU FRANK, THANK YOU, OH MY GOD…” He hugged me back and chuckled slightly. “Well, looks like someone’s happy.”

Our embrace ended, and I smiled up at him with such appreciation that I thought I might’ve over done it – but he merely smiled back. Frank looked at his watch, and then said in a worried voice. “C’mon – we’d better get on the road.” Walking back into the living room, all I could think was that no matter what happened, I owed Frank – owed him big time. Even if we didn’t make it, ending not one but two lives, he would’ve still given me something that I’d needed so badly that it hurt – hope.

[jujubeeruler]

Very Good!:O
Have you read the Twilight series I think you would really like it.

[REVENGE]

Very Good!:O
Have you read the Twilight series I think you would really like it.

Yes, I own it. Although now I'm rather tired of it seeing as there was a sudden explosion of fans in my area.

[Frozen Angel]

This is a great story. Lindsey, seriously, you're my role model when it comes to writing.

Well, I've got these stories (which you wrote) in my collection (I printed them out and filed them):
-Eye Of The Beholder
-The Last Sin
-Silent Screams Of Sorrow
-Sometimes
-Death's Embrace
-Stationary Disruption
-The Thirst

Is there any other completed short story which I had missed out?